FRAGMENTS OF MY DELUDED HALF

DIARY OF A CONFUSED PERFECTIONIST

2012-01-27T08:32:00.000-08:00

Everything is not Black and White. There are a variety of different colours........... Take a look at the Rainbow.

Dancing Around, with naked thoughts of a better Life..............
Self Psyched to take a Plunge...................
A trickled thought of Obvious Circumstances...................
A crippled zeal....................... Slowly,.......... fizzled out..........
It Died...................Dead................Circumstances, Perception............
And it Died,

Admiration for Success.............
Testimonies of those, who crossed the Bridge...
The Difference : Perseverance, Faith, Blindeye for Distractions.........
Obviously, they had seen the end from the Begining

MOTIVATION..........BUILD UP..........

What's your Story?
What's your excuse for Failure????
what have you Left Behind to be remembered with???

INTROSPECT

2012-01-19T12:05:00.000-08:00

Sitting in dark shadows,

a sneak peak through the windows of my soul............

a certain cloud

of Uncertanity, masked in a thin ray of hope........

Fresh tears,........... Frozen on my cheeks..

A cold awakening..............

A voice lost in the wind.................

Echo.................. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The World has gone mad again.

19/01/12

HALF TRUTHS

2011-10-24T02:43:00.000-07:00

And i was fed sweet lies from a heart.
I bought and paid for it with my precious time............
I sang those sweet purple melodies...
Of the Silver Rain and Golden Rays.
A Perfect tune, A Perfecr Dance,..............
A Certain's fools Paradise.

OF SAND CASTLES,
ON A SEA SHORE.

AND ICE MANSION,
WITH THE WARM MORNING SUN.

AND A STRAW HAVEN,
WITH A TINY SPARK.

GONE AWAY WITH THE BLINK OF AN EYE.

I RISE AGAIN TO MAKE MELODIES,
THIS TIME, OF FADED RAINBOWS ON TAINTED GLASS..
A VITAL LOSS, AND TRAGIC END..
A TOAST TO LEAVING AGAIN.

BAD DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-26T02:31:00.000-07:00

2 days ago, was just one of those days you feel like everything was working against you.

First, it was the stomach cramps, then the stress of going to Gwags (Uni Abuja) to submit my forms, and then having to go to the banks to find out that your account statement is seriously not in your favour, and the exchange rate had dropped to 158 naira per Dollar as against 164 two days before, and then going home to realize that the carpenter have left your work undone. Mschewwwwwwwwwwwww.

WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO????

So i went to church with a heart so full of worries, even though i knew i was so late. As i entered the church, the first words i heard were “HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE”........ And there i was still thinking when the pastor said, “I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY”........... i was to weak to even smile, so i said the words rather unconvincingly.

Got back home, with no sleep in sight, turned on the computer and as though i hadn’t had enough for the day, my MTN broadband also decided not to connect. WHAT A LONG NIGHT!!!!!

Thursday morning, with a heavy heart still, i managed to make it to work only for the 104 page document i had so tirelessly worked on and should print now cuz the boss needed it, decided to act up. My flash drive got corrupt and i just bowed my head in more sorrow. Managed to copy the document from the flash to my laptop and then sent it to the printer and it wouldn’t print. WTH??? The boss breathing down my neck, i managed to remain calm. So i copied the file into another flash drive and then on another system and sent to print.

As though i have not had enough already, halfway into the printing, the ink finished.......... BAD DAY HUH????????????

And so i log unto FB, to see if i can find anything to make me laff, but none. so i clicked on one of those applications "ON THIS DAY, GOD WANTS U TO KNOW", and was told that, "they believe God wants me to know that, ............ cnt remember it all, but has to do with Playing in the name of LOVE and being Impoverished". WTH??? Me playing in the name of LOVE??????? WAS THAT A JOKE OF SOME SORT?? I Signed out as quickly as i could. RUBBISH.

I SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY SLEEPING ON DUTY, and had a dream that brought hope alive again.

THE DREAM........................................

It was a gathering, more like in church, and i was meant to sing, but as much as i tried, i kept loosing my voice. The more i tried, the more frustrated i got. So i gave up. Yes, i gave up and decided to just get away cuz everything was still working against me................... when a voice said to me.............
“DON’T GIVE UP, AND DON’T GIVE IN. LOOK AROUND YOU, YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL........... ..........” and just as i was about to still walk away, i heard the song............ “HERE’S MY SHOULDER YOU CAN LEAN ON ME”. And just then i started to cry, and i WOKE UP.

Sometimes, we get blinded by our emotions and drown in sadness, even though what we should do is LOOK UNTO GOD, and maintain a positive confession.

Y'ALL HAVE A BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND. Kisses

SHE'S ALL MINE NOW

2011-07-16T03:08:00.002-07:00

OFFICIALLY, I COME TO HER TODAY... SHE'S NOT BAD AFTERALL. SHE'S NOT PERMANENT EITHER, BUT SHE IS MY LAST MOVE BEFORE I MOVE ON TO OURS.

YESTERDAY, I CANCELLED MY CAPE VERDE TICKET JUST SO I CAN CLEAN HER UP AND SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER, AND EVEN MUSED ABOUT SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH HER, BUT TICK TOCK TICK, AND THE MIND CHANGED. SO I LEFT HER.

OFFICIALY I COME TO HER TODAY. KEPT TO MY EARLY MORNING DATE WITH HER, AND YEAH, PUT MY TORSO ON HER 16 INCHES SOFT LANDING, AND ADORNING HER WITH ALL THE TINY LITTLE DETAILS I HAVE FOR NOW.

I FIRST MET HER WHEN SHE SHE WAS NAKED,IN RUBBLES AND I WONDERED WHAT SHE WOULD TURN OUT TO BE WHEN AND IF SHE BECAME OFFICIALLY MINE. AND THE DAY I PROPOSED AND SHE SAID "YES", I KNEW THERE WAS NO GOING BACK AND SHE HAS COME TO STAY.

THE WHOLE JOURNEY WASN'T EASY AT ALL. FINDING HER EXPOSED ME TO A WHOLE NEW WORLD OF LIARS, CHEATS, AND SOME OUTRIGHTLY STUPID PEOPLE WHO WERE SO CLUELESS AS TO WHAT I REALLY WANTED IN HER.

TODAY, I'M AT PEACE IN HER WARM EMBRACE. THE PRICE OF PEACE UN-EQUALLED TO THE SUFFERING AND STRESS THAT FINDING HER CAME WITH.

AT LAST I'M HOME. THANK YOU LORD FOR THUS FAR.

BUT CAN SOMEONE TELL MY NEIGHBOUR'S TO GET A SILENCER FOR THEIR GENERATOR!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I STILL EXIST

2011-06-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

2months later, she decided to update her blog. I have been thru my drafts and seen the how many times i have tried to update but the strength to go on failed me.
i do hope, i get this published as i planned.

its always good to be here, and when not here, i'm certainly on FACEBOOK, stalking, chatting and having a good laugh at the way people tell lies. I JUST LOVE FB.

This year, has been good, and it just gets better. Everything is working together for my good. I have been so happy lately and can't be bothered abt unneccessary things.I have added a few KGs which just suits me fine.

Work has had its UP's and DOWN's, but i'm still standing tall. It has made me a much stronger person, and has helped me manage my anger best.

Love must really be funny, or foolish. i dunno, but i think it becomes foolish when love turns sour and u marvel at the effort u had so much put in to make things work. But notwithstanding, LOVE IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL THING but don't just be blinded by the wrong things.

i don't wanna be Single nomore.
I have come to realize, that all i have been doing, is making excuzes of why i shouldn't do it cuz i'm afraid. But God said something concerning me "I HAVE NOT GIVEN YOU THE SPIRIT OF FEAR".

I REALLY WISH MY(HIS) BEDROOM COULD LOOK LIKE THIS. LOL.

Had a good time in Ghana 2weeks ago despite my heavy work schedule. A man that was trying to hit on me, told my BOSS that i was rude to him on the day of our conference and i got real mad. #damnstockyoldfool.I HATE OLDER MEN THAT HIT ON YOUNG GURLS. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
but most of our gurl wouldn't mind that...... cuz all would be translated to material gain. #smdh#

Y'all have a beautiful week.
Kisses

je m'appelle Fragilelooks. je suis un drogué

2011-04-13T01:55:00.000-07:00

As i sat here waiting patiently for my new addiction, i couldnt help but notice the number of people that have the same expensive bad habit. their sizes ranging from LEPA(only me) to OROBO ........ and majority were MARRIED women.
So it got me thinking, have women stopped cooking in their homes??? or is this thing now food in most homes as most of them carted away with 5 or more.... . . .Husbands must be in trouble. lol

But truth be told, Mieeeeeeeennnnnnnnnn SHARWAMA is a straw tied to my wallet and the earlier i get over it, the better FINANCIAL MANAGER i'll become. Imagine N800 a day X 7 days a week ............, Now, that's mad cuz on a bad day, i might have two of those....

SO HERE I AM TODAY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..

MY NAME IS FRAGILELOOKS, AND I'M AN ADDICT.

They say the first cure to addiction is to admit that u are an addict. So the abstinence begins.

SHARWAMA:

(BEEF SHARWAMA).

CHICKEN SHARWAMA)

(CHICKEN)

SO HELP ME GOD.

Having gone kinky for sometime now, i decided to relax my hair and here:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Kinda miss the kinky though.

Still on my holiday, cuz my Oga has been away for sometime now, and our phone conversation yesterday went thus:

Me: hi, sir, goodevening

Him: hi fragile, whats been going on?

me: nothing much.

him: don't tell me u've gone on holiday cuz nothing means u are not doing anything

me: mhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *blank*, i've been busy,(in my mind *sleeping*)

him: u shldn't be paid this month cuz u not working

me: hahahahahahahahaha. ermmm, not my fault, i should have travelled with you but i still wouldn't be doing anything much.

him: neways, pls get a hotel for Mr XYZ for a week, just check the internet now and get back to me. and oh, i spoke with Miss ABC and she said she's in a hospital.

me: awwwwwww. yeah, she sent me a mail, saying that things have gone worse over dia, no food, no water, etc. I can't access the internet now cuz my laptop is in the office and i'm home now.

him: poor girl, ok. find a way to send her some money, i dnt know how, but thats ur department, and maybe, we'll find something for her to do here with us, and get her to come to Nigeria.

me: ok. will talk to you moro. have a goodnight.

Imagine this dude...... since our return from ghana, i have worked virtually 24hours for more than 6days. Body no be firewood naa. And besides, my french is still poor otherwise i would have been on this trip as well, working my skinny ass off.

2ND POST IN ONE WEEK......................... I'M COMING BACK.

*KISSES TO Y'ALL*

LAZY POST

2011-04-11T02:26:00.000-07:00

STUMBLED ON THIS SONG AND AS I LISTENED TO IT, I COULD ONLY THINK OF ONE PERSON.

DO YOU REMEMBER MY POST ABT MY DREAM, MEETING MY LD(long distance)LOVE, AND WAS RUDELY AWOKEN BY A ROACH???
SOMETIMES, WE THINK WE ARE WAY OVER STUFF, BUT JUST A SONG CAN FLOOD U WITH TIMELESS MEMORIES. SO II SENT HIM THIS SONG TODAY, DUNNO WHY, BUT AT THE MOMENT, I MISS HIM SO BAD.

ENJOY.

I wish i could be here more often, but ................. i dunno, i really do miss blogging (true).

So, i'm having a conversation with a friend about househelps and it just made me realize how lazy she is or how spoilt she is.

Me: i really don't like helps whether live in or those that come and go. i just would not entertain such an idea.

She: mhh, that means you want to suffer. i can't be doing all this work nowwww. clean, cook, take care of the kids etc.

Me: ok, o. but for me it won't work.

This friend in question, is outrightly LAZY from my standards and it worries me how the KIDS mite turn out to be.Already, they act lazy(no i'm trying to sound nice), They are lazy. HOW CAN A 4YEAR OLD NOT KNOW HOW TO BLOW HIS NOSE?

The househelp cleans the house, cooks the food (even her husbands food), serves the food, does laundry, bathes the kids, goes to the market,etc and all she does is ABSOLUTE NOTHING and she's the first to complain about how tired she is. One day that househelp go BAFF UR HUSBAND JOIN. LOL

PLS DO U GET TIRED BY DOING NOTHING?????????????????????????????

Y'all have a GLORIOUS WEEK. i've been enjoying my 2weeks break. My job can be fun most times *winks*.

ON A RANDOM NOTE

2011-03-05T07:47:00.000-08:00

JANUARY: I did not die of heartbreak; survival: check.

FEBRUARY: I did not die from work load; survival:check.

MARCH: can't complain about anything. Really God is merciful.

Can't get my hands round tis thing called an Ipad. Mschewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Still this year, I din't have a valentine. Worked all day long but got the crappiest of all chocolates ever made by MAN. Was happy to give it out. Lol.

So, I have taken my driving to a whole new level by riding on the highway. FEAR CONQUERED: CHECK.
Na so one day, I jejely dey carry our generator for office dey go servicing, na I'm oga mopol come stop me for road. Wetin be my offense now, I asked?

Mopol: madam, where is ur tinted permit?

Me: what permit? This car resemble tinted for ur eye? Oga beg this na sun shade.

Mopol: madam beg step down, bring ur gen receipt, plus the permit.

Dude don look me finish, feel say e go fit carry me shine for that day. So the security man wey me and am follow come step begin follow the man talk for Awusa but the guy head still dey hot. Na I'm my oga security commot our oga complimentary card show the guy, and without further delay, we rolled away.
So that got me thinking, just a business card and u can get away?????????? Naija.

The other day na I'm I just dey for one corner say make I drink something, wen I no fit help but listen to the convo btw the people sitting close by.
Boy: i so much enjoyed fucking u last nite. Kai, babe it was marathon. I just couldn't believe it.

Gurl: really? I must have slept the whole time through cuz I din't notice.

Me: I burst out laughing so hard. See bruised ego naaaaaaaaaaa. The look on his face was priceless.
If no be God, that guy for don burn me slap.

HOW ALL OF US DEY NA?????????????????????????????

LOVE
FRAGILE

CHALLENGES IN 2011

2011-01-29T22:36:00.000-08:00

IT’S BEEN ALL TOUGH BUT I’M STANDING STRONG. I’VE BEEN HURT, BATTERD BY EMOTIONS, ENDLESS CRYING FOR DAYS, SICK, AND COMPLETELY DRAINED.

I LIVE AND WORK IN ABUJA. I DON’T HAVE A HOUSE, THUS I LIVED WITH MY SISTER.

IF U’VE BEEN FOLLOWING AND READING MY POSTS, U WILL SEE SOME WHERE I BICKERED ABOUT THE ISSUES BETWEEN MY SISTER AND I. BUT NOW I’M SO VERY SURE THAT I DO NOT KNOW OR WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND I MEAN SO.

I CAME BACK TO ABUJA AFTER THE XMAS BRK ON THE 5TH TO RESUME WORK ON THE 6TH. EVERYTHING WAS FINE WITH ME. I HAD ASKED MY SISTER WHEN THEY’LL BE BACK AND SHE SAID “NOT SURE YET”.

SOME DAYS LATER, WHILE AT WORK, I GOT A TEXT FROM HER HUSBAND SAYING I SHOULD HAND OVER THE KEYS OF THE HOUSE TO THEIR AGENT. AS CONFUSED AS I AM AT THE MOMENT, THAT WAS HOW I WAS ON THAT DAY WHEN I TURNED IN THE KEY AND I EVEN CALLED THE INLAW TO GET MORE INFO ON WHAT WAS UP AND HE REPILED;

ME: HELLO

HIM: GIVE THE KEY TO KINGSLEY

*CLICK* THE CALL ENDS. WHAT RUDENESS I THOT?

THIS NOW JUGGLED MY MEMORY, AS I REMEMBERED B4 THEN, WHEN MY SISTER CALLED TO SAY A FRIEND OF HER’S WAS COMING TO SEE THE HOUSE. SO I THOT TO MYSELF;;; *OH, SHE KNEW ALL ALONG AND JUST KEPT MUTE*

I CONTINUED TO STAY, HOPING THE INLAW WOULD COME SOON AS I WAS TOLD TO PICK UP THEIR PROPERTIES IN THE HOUSE. DAYS TURNED TO WEEK (+DAYS) HE NEVER SHOWED UP.
ONE DAY, WHILE AT WORK, SHE CALLED ME TO SAY;

SHE: HOW U HOLDING UP?

ME: FINE

SHE: HOW U GONNA DO ABT ACCOMODATION? BUT U KNOW, I KNOW U CAN SORT URSELF OUT. U ALWAYS HAVE A WAY OF DOING SO, BLA BLA BLAA BLA BLA BLA .

* WONDERING WHERE ALL THAT CAME FROM*

AS I GOT BACK 4RM WORK, I DISCOVERED THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAD MOVED IN. I PCKED UP MY PERSONAL STUFF AND MOVED OUT WITH NO WHERE IN MIND. ONLY THEN DID I REALIZE, THAT SHE ALSO KNEW THAT THE NEW OCCUPANT HAD MOVED IN AND STILL “DID NOT TELL ME”.

A FRIEND OF HERS (MY SIS), AND HER HUSBAND PUT ME UP, TILL I SORT MY SELF OUT. THEN ON MONDAY, SHE CALLED SAYING;

“U HAVE TO GET BACK TO OUR HOUSE AND WAIT TILL MY HUSBAND OR I COME TO GET OUR STUFF AND BESIDES WHO ASKED U TO EVEN GO STAY WITH THOSE PPLE?”

I THOT TO MYSELF, FIRST, U WERE MOVING, U NEVER TOLD ME. U DECIDED TO RENT OUT THE HOUSE, U NEVER TOLD ME, NEITHER DID U THINK I WAS IMPT ENOUGH TO EVER CARE A HOOT ABOUT.

SO SHE GOES OFF, CALLING ME NAMES UPON NAMES, AND HAD EVEN TOLD MY MUM AND GRANDMUM SOME HEART WRENCHING STUFF ABT HER FRIEND THAT HAD OFFERED ME A ROOF OVER MY HEAD.

I WAS SO MAD, AND EVEN WHEN MY MUM AND GRANDMUM HAD CALLED SAYING THAT I SHOULD GO BACK TO THEIR HOUSE AND WAIT TILL HER HUSBAND GETS THERE, I GAVE THEM MY SIPMLE RESPONSE OF “NO, INFACT NEVER EVER”.
WHAT U GUYS DO NOT KNOW IS HOW HARD IT’S BEEN, LIVING WITH THESE PEOPLE.

NOW, I'VE FOUND SOME PEACE FROM WITHIN ME, I'VE RECONCILED WITH THE FACT THAT IN THIS LIFE, *U ARE ACCOUNTABLE FOR URSELF. THINK FIRST FOR URSELF B4 BRINGING ANYOTHER INTO THE PICTURE EVEN IF THEY ARE FAMILY*
LESSON WELL LEARNT.

TWENTY ELEVEN

2011-01-15T13:41:00.000-08:00

*SMH*..................... HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF US HERE, AND YEAH, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME, MISS FRAGILE, WITHOUT THE LOOKS.

OK, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MY NAME IF NOT FOR THESE *AKPOS*(BAD BELLE) PEOPLE THAT MADE ME LOOSE ALL THE WEIGHT I WORKED SO HARD TO GAIN. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

IN THE SPIRIT OF THANKSGIVING,
1. THANK GOD FOR DIVINE SAFETY FOR LIFE AND PROPERTY OF MY FAMILY WHO WERE IN THE CENTRE OF THE STORM OF THE MAYHEM IN ABIA STATE.
2. THANK GOD FOR MY JOB AND NEW FRIENDS I ACQUIRED ON THE WAY
3. THANK GOD FOR ALL MY EX'S AND BEST FRIEND THAT GOT MARRIED/ENGAGED (ARROGANCE INCLUDED). U GUYS MADE ME PROUD.
4. THANK GOD FOR ALL MY FELLOW BLOGGERS THAT MADE IT TO THE NEW YEAR.U GUYS ROCK.

THANK YOU MISS @ILOLA FOR THE AWARD OF STYLISH AND VERSATILE BLOGGER.

7 THINGS ABOUT ME: NOW THATS PREETY THOUGH BUT I'L TRY. *SMS*

1. I'M NOT AFRAID TO FACE THE WORLD. CALL ME A SURVIVOR.

2. I'M STILL SCARED OF COMMITMENTS.

3. I'VE BECOME MORE CYNICAL (BAD NEWS)

4. I LOVE MY FAMILY MORE THAN ANY BOYFRIEND.

5. MOST TIMES I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

6. I AM A BUNDLE OF SUCCESS. A BURNING AND A SHINNING LIGHT.

7. I LOVE WORK.

DONE.

ON THE AWARDS, I CALL ON *SHORTY*, *2CUTE*, *SUGARKING*, *ORIGINAL MGBEKE*, *NICE ANON*, 24YEAROLDTEENAGER*, *TISHA*, *NEEFEMI*, *LEGGY*, *UZEZI* *MYNE WHITMAN* *LDP*, *HARRY ITIE*,

I'M HAVING TO DEAL WITH A LOT OF THINGS RIGHT NOW IN MY LIFE, ESP WITH THE HURT/LET DOWN FROM MY SISTER. BUH IT'SALL GOOD. *SHIT HAPPENS*.

TWENTY ELEVEN...................... I'M BACK ON MY BLOG. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
WATCH ME FINISH FIRST.

PANTLESS

2010-10-11T07:39:00.000-07:00

DO U KNOW HOW MANY GURLS/LADIES THAT WALK THE STREETS PANTLESS?????
HAVE U EVEN DONE IT BEFORE???
DON'T BE SHY O, CUZ TODAY, THAT WAS ME.

WHY????????????

I'M THE KINDA GURL WHO WILL RATHER KEEP THEM TILL I FIND THAT PERFECT SATURDAY, WHEN THE SUN IS SO HOT BEFORE I WASH THEM PANTIES.
AFETR THE WASHING AND SUN-DRYING, I IRON THEM AND PUT THEM ON THEIR RESPECTIVE HANGERS.LOL.
OVER THE WEEKS NOW, I'VE BEEN TOO LAZY TO DO THAT(WASH), AND THIS MORNING, I HAD NONE LEFT TO WEAR. WHAT'S A GURL TO DO ON THIS MONDAY MORNING THAN TO GO PANTLESS.
WILL DEFINITLY PICK UP NEW ONES ON MY WAY HOME FOR THE WEEK. LOL

thanks to all FOR the b.day wishes. i APPRECIATE a lot.
B.DAY GIST.
Spent the whole day in church, went to transcorp hilton for a drink with some fwends and went home to sleep.

SATURDAY:
My boss, decides that the b.day continues.
Ice cream with his niece, 2 OF HIS fwends, and some gurl. A hearty meal at some lovely restaurant, a walk in a park, and ONE ON THE ROAD (BOOZE).LOL. i don't booze doh.

SUNDAY:
Church. enough laying of hands.

AND IT JUST CONTINUES.............................
it's feels good to be in october o.

Today, i play host to 20 able men and women. I SURE DID NOT LET MY MOTHER DOWN. I GAVE THEM *FINGER LICKING REAL GOOD* FROM BREAKFAST TO LUNCH, WITH A PROUD BOSS, SMILING AT MY MULTITASKING.

KA BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM

2010-09-30T08:51:00.001-07:00

OOOOOOOOOOO YAY, I WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
OOOOOOOOOOO YAYYYYYYYYYYY, AND MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS.

REALLY WHAT MORE CAN I SAY, IF NOT "THANK YOU FATHER LORD ALMIGHTY FOR ONE MORE YEAR".
TOMORROW MAKES ME PLUS ONE. 1ST OCTOBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
YOUR TEXT MSGS ARE WELCOME ON 08039402475.

MY HEART REJOICES, AND MY HEART WEEPS.

I WEEP NOT OF JOY, BUT PAIN IN MY HEART THAT AMIDST ALL THESE CELEBRATION, SOME INNOCENT KIDS ARE LOST SOMEWHERE IN THE HANDS OF THESE CRUEL KIDNAPPERS.

AND MUCH MORE DISTURBING FOR ME KNOWING MY SIBLINGS AND PARENTS ARE OUT THERE IN THAT JUNGLE.

PLEASE BBC HELP SPREAD THE WORD OUT WE ARE DYING IN ABIA STATE NIGERIA. ABA IS A HUB FOR KIDNAPPING AND TERRORISM AND THE PRESENT GOVERNOR AND OUR PRESIDENT ARE PLAYING POLITICS WITH OUR LIVES.

EVERY 5 MINS, A MINIMUM OF 4 KIDNAPPING IS COMMITTED AND JONATHAN OUR PRESIDENT KNOWS WE ARE DUE FOR A STATE OF EMERGENCY BUT WONT BECAUSE OF POLITICAL INTEREST TO SECURE THE STATE FOR HIS FORTH COMING ELECTION.
BANKS DON'T OPEN HERE ANYMORE PEOPLE ARE HIJACKED ROBBED AND RAPED .

ON SUNDAY A WOMAN LOST HER 3 KIDS TO ARMED ROBBERY WHEREBY SHE WAS ORDERED TO LIE DOWN AND BE RAPPED BY HER SON. ON THE BOYS REFUSAL THE FIRST SON AND SECOND WHERE SHOT DEAD AND THE LAST DID THE ACT AT THE PLEA OF HIS MOM AND LATER HUNG HIMSELF ON MONDAY MORNING.

PLEASE BRING THE WORLDS ATTENTION TO OUR PLIGHT.

I WEEP. I AM DEEPLY HURT. BUT I REST IT ALL AT THE FOOT OF THE CROSS.

PLEASE JOIN ME IN MY PRAYER FOR THE SAFETY OF THOSE INNOCENT CHILDREN, AND FOR ALL THOSE WHO ARE CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS SAGA.

LOVE ALWAYS,
FRAGILE.

GUILT. REVENGE

2010-09-18T05:09:00.000-07:00

PRIDE WON'T LET ME ADMIT THAT I HAVE MISSED YOU.
WTF, WAS I DOING WITH CHOCOLATES AT YOUR DOOR, AND EVEN ACCEPTED TO HAVE DINNER THE FOLLOWING NIGHT???

U SAW IT ALL, U KNEW I MISSED U, EVEN WITHOUT SAYING IT.
YOU TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S BEEN GOIN ON, BUT I WOULDN'T LISTEN.

WE HAD DINNER. U EVEN CAME WITHOUT YOUR CRUTCHES.
HOW GUILTY I FELT. I WASN'T THERE TO WITNESS THE PROGRESS.

YOU PIERCED MY HEART WHEN U TOLD ME
*BABE, LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU*
BUT I COULDNT'T, WOULDN'T JUST GIVE U A LISTENING EAR.

I EVEN FOLLOWED U TO CHURCH, AND THEN I HURT U.
I SAW THE PAIN IN YOUR FACE. THE WORDS CHOCKED IN UR THROAT.
I HAD TO LEAVE WITH ANOTHER.

THAT'S HOW I FELT, WHEN U WERE UNABLE TO EXPLAIN UR ACTION WITH THOSE PIX.
NOW, U TELL ME THIS CUTE STORY, AND WANT ME TO BELIEVE.

NEWAYS, I MISSED YOU, AND THATS FOR SURE, BUT I'M NOT ABOUT TO LINGER WITH U.

WHAT A BORING WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHIT PRIDE..... WE COULD HAVE BEEN SOMEWHERE. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

MY HOPE FOR BETTER DAYS

2010-09-11T05:11:00.002-07:00

NOW, MY SILENCE HAS BEEN INTERPRETED AS MOODINESS.
AND MY MOODINESS HAS BEEN SAID TO BE INFECTIOUS.
MY EYES ARE DRY,
I WEEP NO MORE,
THAT WHICH WON'T KILL ME,
WILL ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER.

DEAR GOD,
FORGIVE ME FOR THE TIMES I LIED ON BEHALF OF OTHERS.

DEAR GOD,
TEACH ME HOW TO SPEAK UP, FOR MY SILENCE HAS MADE THEM CALL ME NAMES LIKE "WICKED".

DEAR GOD,
GIVE ME A MAN THAT I CAN FLOW FREELY WITH AND NEVER BE AFRAID OF EVEN IN MARRIAGE.

DEAR GOD,
U READ THIS MSG EVEN BEFORE IT GOT TO ME.
"u are a very wicked person. something that is nothing, u want to start creating issues. its been over 3 months i begged u pls. i want a peaceful home. if u can't, come carry ur stuff cuz u know everything but want to rob me off some peace and u dnt ave my interest so shldnt protect urs. its wicked of u".

GOT THAT FROM MY SISTER ON MY WAY TO CHURCH THIS MORNING ALL BECAUSE SHE'S TRYNA LOOK GOOD INFRONT OF HUBBY.

DEAR GOD,
I NEED AN ACCOMODATION, AND I NEED IT NOW. THEY SAY IT'S EXPENSIVE HERE, BUT I TRUST YOU TO TAKE CARE OF ME NOW.

PLEASE TELL ME, HOW DO U DEAL WITH ONE WHO COMPLAINS ABT EVERYTHING AND NOTHING?

HOW DO U COPE WITH SOMEONE WHO MAKES U UNCOMFORTABLE(ADRENALIN RUSH) IF NOT BY LYING?

DEAR GOD,
PLEASE GIVE ME A MAN THAT I WILL BE AT PEACE WITH.A MAN I WILL FIND NO REASON TO LIE TO. A MAN WHO WILL HAVE THAT CONFIDENCE IN ME, AND TRUST ME TOTALLY. ONE WHO IS SUPPORTIVE OF ME. ONE WHO IS STEADFAST IN THE LORD, FOR THAT IS THE BASIS OF EVERY SUCCESSFUL UNION.

AND FINALLY,.......................
DEAR GOD,
PLS TAKE THIS FLU/MALARIA AWAY FROM ME.

THANK U SUGARKING FOR THAT CALL.

...............................................

2010-08-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

WHAT CAN I DO TO ALL THESE CHINESE SPEAKING "THINGS" ON MY BLOG????? REALLY I AM FED UP.

OKAY, MY PEOPLE OF GOD, HOW UNA DEY SINCE I NEVER SHOW FACE FOR THIS SIDE????
WORK NO BE WINCH O, BUT ........................(I NO DEY COMPLAIN)....LOL.

M KOWA IHE OMA CHUKWU N'ÉMERE M(IF I BEGIN TALK WETIN GOD DEY DO FOR ME), MHHHHHH.
DESPITE, MY SHORTCOMINGS, GOD HAS BEEN SURPRISING ME LEFT, RIGHT AND CENTRE.
*SINGING* KELERE M CHIM O, NWANNE M KELERE M CHI M O NA CHI M EMELA.

FOLLOWING MY ANSWER TO BOBO'S QUESTION (*NO*), WE FELL INTO THIS CONVO:

ME: U KNOW, I WANA GO BACK TO SCHOOL, ATTAIN A CERTAIN HEIGHT IN MY CARREER, ATLEAST HAVE SOMETHING TO MY NAME. AND I KNOW YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL ALSO, BUT WITH MARRIAGE, COMES KIDS. DO U THINK IT WILL STILL BE PRIORITY WHEN THE KIDS STARTS COMING??

BOBO: AM I THE ONE HAVING THE CHILDREN? I'L STILL GO TO SCHOOL BLA BLA BLA BLA.

AT THIS POINT MY LOVELY PEOPLE, IT JUST OCCURED TO ME THAT, NOT ONLY AM I YET TO BE 24, I HAVEN'T EVEN EXPLORED LIFE'S OPTIONS KA OFO ZIA TYING MYSELF DOWN FOREVER.
WITH THAT, I STOOD TO MY *NO* AND JEJELY LET GO THE RELATIONSHIP AT ONCE CUZ THIS BROS WANTS TO BE MARRIED THIS YEAR, BY FIRE BY FORCE.

SO I'M BACK TO BEING SINGLE. AND SINGLER CUZ A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP NOW, WILL ONLY BE A DISTRACTION TO THE PICTURE INFRONT OF ME.

HAPPY WEEKEND YÁLL.

ON A RANDOM NOTE

2010-08-13T03:19:00.000-07:00

ON MY WAY TO WORK................

2MONTHS AFTER I CUT MY HAIR.......

2weeks ago, i got to the oppice(office)as my hausa brother's would call it,only to find a note on my desk that read, "DEAR FRAGILE, YOU ARE NOW TO TAKE OVER THE CASE STUDIES OF THIS PROJECT".Attached to it was an email from UNECA saying i had but 1 week to deliver. As though my boss was reading me, he said "did u see my note"? In my mind, i had gone like "DUDE ARE U FUCKING HIGH"?, But i just nodded... and i BLANKED OUT.
About this work, i know that a certain PIKIN AND HUSBANDARY DEGREE(PHD)student had been paid to deliver,but never did.
How it happened, i do not know, but i was able to beat the deadline and also the first they recieved from in AFRICA.God's speed.

BOYFRIEND WAHALA:
BOBO, has been complaining about us drifting apart for a while.... bla bla bla, i told him, he was just being petty and all........ but truth is, we've lost touch...and i felt bad.
2DAYS AGO,he asked me....................... and i said "NO". SCARY.....din't see that coming.

DEAR DADDY:
I am so very sorry for giving u a sleepless night. what u do not know is that, i switch on the silent mode on my phone by 9pm that way i don't get distracted. u know i love my sleep!!!!!!
i woke up in the middle of the night to find several missed calls on my phone from my dad and my immediate older sis. i went back to sleep,in mind to return the calls by daybreak only to find a message that read "I HAVE TRIED TO REACH U TO NO AVAIL,ALTERNATIVELY TRIED UR SISTER BUT CAN'T REACH U GUYS.WHAT'S GOING ON. PLS SOMEBODY SHOULD CALL ME OR DO I CONSIDER U GUYS DEAD? PLS CALL ME.
That was a desperate text from my dad,who apparently had tried to reach my oldest sister and i to no avail. he stayed awake all night worrying over me that was sound asleep.lol

HEALTH ISSUES:
Had a scary experience on saturday night. felt like my heart was exploding in my chest. as much as i tried to take a good posture to sleep, the more difficult it became.GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS..........BELIEVE IT. i slept like a baby.

WEEKEND:
What do i do with myself????? thank Goodness,i have the weekend to myself.maybe hang out with BOBO or just sleep... i know i might work on sunday.............

HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND.
LOVE ALWAYS,
FRAGILE.

MY TESTIMONY. MY CHANGE.

2010-07-26T06:15:00.001-07:00

exactly 10 days after my last post, and crying desperately unto God for a change in my life, he answered me.

IF U DO NOT KNOW IT, U CAN PROVOKE GOD TO POUR OUT A BLESSING ON YOU. TRY IT, IT WORKS. JESUS ROCKS.

after my prayers on sunday night, i told myself that come monday morning, i would dress up like every other person going to work and leave the house even if i ended up just visiting someone.
As i dressed up, my lil niece said to me ''U ARE GONNA GET A JOB TODAY''. Of course, i laughed, but said AMEN and left.

Just as i got to my first destination, i got a call for an interview, and off i went and grabbed the job. but somewhere at the back of my mind, i knew that wasn't the job God planned for me, but i thanked him for it.

The boss is one very LOUSY fellow who lacks a simple manner of approach. besides that, he has an EDS (ENGLISH DEFICIENCY SYNDROME), that made me doubt his academic records, that is, IF HE HAS ONE.
Just as i stood outside the office, obviously lost in thots and asking God why he had brought me here, then he answered me.

Along came this man, whom i exchanged glances with. and as i turned to leave, something told me he was gonna come back.
with an open mind when he did return, we chatted and he asked me to give him a call. Of course i din't call him, neither did i have plans to... until i got a call from him. he asked me to see him very early the next morning and that was it.
I WORK AS HIS SPECIAL ASSISTANT, AND BOY............... WORK COULDN'T BE ANY MORE TASKING THAN THIS.I HAVE BEEN ON TRAINING FOR DAYS NOW AND YES, I CAN DO ALL THINGS.
WHEN I LOOK AT ALL THE FILES IN FRONT OF ME, AND ALL THE SPEECHES I HAVE TO WRITE, AND PRESENTATIONS I HAVE TO PREPARE,AS WELL AS RESEARCHES I HAVE TO DO, I FEEL CHALLENGED.

WHAT IS IT THAT U CRAVE IN YOUR LIFE????? THERE IS NOTHING GOD CANNOT DO. U CAN PROVOKE GOD TO POUR OUT A BLESSING ON YOU AND WHEN HE DOES..... DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY, CUZ GOD IS NOT STUPID.

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK MY LOVES. GOTTA GO BACK TO WORK.

ONE YEAR AFTER

2010-07-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

* THIS COULD BE IT, I THINK I'M IN LOVE...... (SHANIA TWAIN'S "WHEN U KISS ME" BEING THE SONG OF THE DAY).
IT FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH ME IN THE MOST UN-EXPECTED WAY. I STILL HAVE MY DOUBTS, SO ITS NOT A CASE OF BEING BLINDED BY LOVE.... FOR I CAN SEE FAR BEYOND AND READ INBETWEEN THE LINES. HE, BECAME THE ONE.
I LOVE YOU COLLINS UCHENNA UGWA.

* I'M STILL JOBLESS. YES, EXACTLY ONE YEAR SINCE I LAST WENT OUT MARKETING AND COUNTING MONIES THAT BELONGED TO OTHERS. ONE YEAR SINCE I LAST ATTENDED 7AM MONDAY MORNING MEETINGS AND TURNING IN FRIDAY WEEKLY REPORTS.

* I'M STLL MOST GRATEFUL TO GOD FOR A SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE EVEN THOUGH I'VE NOT BEEN MY BEST (IN TERMS OF SERVING HIM TRULY). YEAH, ONE YEAR SINCE MY HEART SHUT DOWN ON ME.STILL SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME.

* AND ONE MORE YEAR CLOSER TO MAKING A COMMITMENT OF A LIFETIME.*wink wink*

HAPPY WEEKEND Y'ALL.

MIND THE GAP

2010-07-05T04:16:00.000-07:00

Life is a dream we're dreaming.
Of all the Fabs and Coloured pictures streaming.
Life is where you are now. . .
The shocking realization of the Contrast between the colours from the dream.
MIND THE GAP.

Love is Sweet,Rosy, Gentle and Kind.
A perfect picture,everyone once dreamt about.
Love is that Hopeless child on the streets.
An Adult today with no Love to give.
MIND THE GAP.

Marriage is a beautiful Union.
Where Two shall be united as one.
Marriage is that bittered Man,whose found Solace in Someone else, And a Woman whose Burdened with Childlessness.
MIND THE GAP.

Death is that which a Man fears the most.
The loss of all that he's laboured for.
MIND THE GAP. . .
The Difference between the Life you Dream and the Real Life.

P.S CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE TO BLOCK THESE CHINESE WRITING PEOPLE FROM MY BLOG BIKO.

ONE NIGHT AS A RUNS BABE

2010-05-25T05:32:00.000-07:00

A BAD KITTY I HAVE BEEN. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH, BLAME IT ON MY DESTROYED PHONE AND THE DEAD INTERNET SUBSCRIPTION. MSCHEWWWWWWWW.

HAVING MOURNED THE LOSS OF 3600 DOLLARS ALL WEEK{LAST WK. A FASHION FARE I MISSED},AND LISTENING TO THE ESCAPADES OF THE HUSTLERS{BABES} AROUND ME, FRIDAY PRESENTED ITSELF WITH A CRAZY IDEA IN MY HEAD. A CALL FROM ARROGANCE TO GO OUT, AND THIS LONELY SISTER SUPRISED HERSELF BY SAYING YES.
HAVING DRESSED UP IN THOSE SKINNY JEANS AND AN HALTER NECK TOP WITH GLIMMERS AND ENOUGH CLEAVAGE TO .... THANKS TO PMS, MY TWINS SURE LOOKED LOVELIER.
ON, I HOPPED ON MY GUCCI HEELS AND I HIT THE ROAD.KNOWING THE EFFECT MY DRESSING MITE CAUSE, I COULDNT GIVE TWO, AFTER ALL I WAS TO BE A RUNS BABE FOR ONE NIGHT WITH ARROGANCE.
BOBO WAS IN SHOCKED TO SEE ME THAT WAY, AFTER ALL, ALL HE KNOWS ME FOR ARE MY JEANS AND TOPS OR SHIRTS, BUT SEEING THIS BITCH, SURE HAD AN EFFECT ON HIM. AS HE TRIED TO DROP A KISS, I PAUSED HIM

ME: HOLD IT BUDDY.
A: WHAT NOW???
ME: NOT SO FAST BOY. HI, I'M CLAIRE. HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
{PLAYING ALONG}

A:OH, YEAH.... I;M THE LADIES MAN.
ME: THATS WHY I;M HERE. TO SEE WOTCHA GOT.
A: NAME UR PRICE....
ME: chineke mee, na like that. lol

WE laughed...

AS WE DROVE OUT INTO THE NIGHT,I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO SEE SOME PROSTITUTES. TRUTH IS, ALL MY LIFE, I HEAR OF THEM BUT HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM. SO HE DROVE US ALONG WUSE ZONE 2, AND GOSH, I WAS SICK TO MY STOMACH.
A STREAM OF YOUNG BEAUTIFUL LADIES LINED UP ON THE STREETS WAITING FOR CUStomers. i shivered and A kept on laughing. As we slowed a bit and he rolled down the glass, one rushed foward and i flinched. she started screaming *ASHAWO*, As we drove off. DAMN, WHATEVER MUST HAVE CAUSED THESE LOVELY LOOKING LADIES INTO THE STREETS????? GOD SAVE US ALL.

MY NIGHT WAS RUINED REALLY AFTER THAT SIGHT. I WAS SICK IN MY STOMACH AND HAD A FEVER ALL NIGHT THROUGH.
ARROGANCE WAS SHOCKED AT THE EFFECT THAT HAD ON ME.
THAT WAS THE END OF MY WEEKEND....

THANK GOD, I FEEL BETTER NOW JO. AND THE WEEK HAS JUST BEGUN RIGHT.
THE 2 DAYS KOREAN CULTURAL DISPLAY HAS JUST MADE MY WEEK ALREADY. THANKS TO ARROGANCE. HE;S BEEN FLAUNTING ME LIKE A TROPHY TO ALL THESE MEN......

SEE Y'ALL MUCH LATER.
P.S I STILL LOVE U ALL IN THIS FAMILY, EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN AWAY.

PICTURE POST.

2010-05-05T10:22:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THIS IS HOW I AM.

RATE ME UGLY.
ENJOY.

FRAGMENTS OF MY DELUDED HALF

2010-04-29T13:54:00.001-07:00

OUT OF MY DELUDED MIND, MADE I TO BELIEVE THAT TRULY I AM STRONG.
BUT HERE IS MY REALITY....
A WEAKLING WITH FRAGILE STEPS,
OF FEELING NERVES AND BROKEN LIMBS.
YES, I TRULY AM A STRANGER TO MY REALITY...
A BEING OF MY DELUSIONS,AND A SLAVE TO MY EMOTIONS...
YES, THE TALE BEGINS AT DUSK.
FOR BLIND I WAS, TILL THIS BREAK OF DAWN.
YET MY EYES ARE STILL SLIGHTLY SHUT TO THIS SAGA...
YES, I AM FLAWED...
OF DARK SPOTS AND WALKING SHADOWS.
OF FEELING NERVES AND BROKEN LIMBS.
YES, I AM A WEAKLING WITH MISSING LINKS.
(ok. thats how i felt about me some days ago)

I'VE BEEN AWAY FROM MY BLOGFAM FOR A WHILE, BUT I'M BACK NOW, OR SO I THINK. BLAME IT ON CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL.

BEEN READING ON THE ON-GOING TAGS.10 THINGS I LOVE, AND CAN U GUESS WHO LOVES PEEING???
A HANDSOME PRICE AWAITS THE FIRST PERSON WITH THE CORRECT ANSWER.

ARE Y'ALL LOOKING FOWARD TO THE WEEKEND??
FOR ME, THIS IS MY WORST WEEK SO FAR AND I DON'T CARE 'BOUT THE WEEKEND.
Xoxo.

IN MY DREAMS.

2010-04-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

IT WAS THE SOUND OF THE PHONE THAT AWAKENED ME WITH THE REMINDER THAT IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF HOURS BEFORE WE MET.....( NOT LIKE I FORGOT, HOW CAN I SEF????).
I STOOD UP, STRETCHED MY FEET AND SMILED AND COULDN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM.

LAGOS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.........

AS I WAITED, OBVIOUSLY EARLIER THAN HIS ARRIVAL(CUZ DISTANCE IS SUCH A BIATCH...), MY MIND WANDERED TO THE THINGS WE COULD POSSIBLY DO OR NOT DO. I MEAN ITS THE FIRST TIME WE SEE AND EXPECTATIONS FLYING HIGH.

FINALLY, HE WAS HERE.....YAYYYYYYYYYY. AT LAST I GET TO SEE HIM. MY HEART MISSING BEATS,BUT I STOOD STILL. PICTURE IN MIND AND EYES DARTING 360DEGREES. I COULDN'T HELP BUT SPOT HIM QUICKLY. THANKS TO GOD FOR THIS HIGH POWERED VISION OF MINE.
HEART SUMMERSAULTING RESTLESSLY AND WORDS FORMING IN MY ALREADY JAMMED HEAD. I WALKED WITH ALL FELINE GRACE TO HIM AND AT THAT MOMENT, "TIME FROZE".

HE LOCKED ME IN HIS ARMS AS WE PERFECTLY FIT AND CARELESSLY, HE KISSED ALL MY FACIAL FEATURES AND FINALLY SETTLED ON MY LIPS. AND WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD, WE REMAINED THAT WAY TILL WE GRADUALLY CAME BACK TO EARTH. IT WAS INDEED GOOD TO HAVE HIM HERE.

*SCRATCH SCRATCH*, ON MY FEET WITH DISCOMFORT.....TRYING SO HARD TO IGNORE AND CONCENTRATE ON FEELING THE BODY OF MY LD LOVE WHEN I FELT SOMETHING ON MY FACE... UP, I JUMPED ONLY TO REALIZE, A ROACH ON MY MAT AND NO LD LOVE BESIDE ME.........
HATE, YEAH. MY HATE FOR ROACHES INCREASED AS I CHASED IT TILL I SMASHED IT TO PIECES. DID I END THERE??????? NO......... I EVEN BURNT THE MURAFUCKER FOR INTERRUPTING MY SWEET DREAMS.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD SUCH A DREAM, WHERE EVERYTHING SEEMS SO REAL????? MSCHEWWWWWWW.

OK, I'VE BEEN HAVING THIS RE-CURRENT DREAM WHERE IT WAS MY WEDDING DAY AND AT ALL TIMES, I WAS AT THE WRONG PLACES.
ONE WAS WHERE EVERYONE WAS READY AND THE BRIDE WAS LOST(ME). OK, NOT LOST, BUT SOMEWHERE IN THE HOUSE, TOTALLY UNAWARE OF THE WEDDING PREP GOIN ON, UNTIL MY BEST FRIEND CAME IN.

BF: U HERE WE ALL DRESSED AND..... WOTCHA DOIN?????
ME: LEAVE ME LO. NO BE UNA WAN MARRY. WHO IS THE GROOM THE WAY??

ARROGANCE. PEOPLE, SEE ME SEE WAHALA. EVEN IN MY DREAMS, HE STILL WAN MARRY.
OK O. MAKE WE DEY WATCH DRAMA.LOL

HOPE WE ALL HAD A FAB EASTER BREAK?????

P.S I LOVE U.

SISTER(S)............................................

2010-03-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

I PROMISED TO WRITE ABOUT MY SADNESS, EVEN THOUGH I FEEL BETTER NOW, BUT I MUST KEEP THAT PROMISE.

FFF SAID SHE AND HER SISTER ALWAYS FOUGHT BUT TODAY, THEY GET ALONG. I'M THE OPPOSITE. MY ELDEST SISTER WILL ALWAYS BEAT ME AS A KID FOR REASONS SHE THOT WAS RIGHT. THIS WHOLE I BE UR SENIOR THING IS JUST SO ANNOYING. FRICTION ALWAYS, THUS WE CAN'T GET ALONG.I DOUBT IT.
OF MY THREE SISTER'S, NONE HAS A GOOD DEFINITION OF ME.

MY YOUNGER SISTER, THINKS I'M WEIRD CUZ I DON'T DO THE USUAL STUFF DEY ALL DO.

MY IMMEDIATE ELDER SISTER CALLS ME ANNOYING, CUZ SHE FORGOT MY MUM"S BIRTH DATE AND I FORGOT TO CALL HER TO REMIND HER. REASON BEING THAT, I SO MUCH HAD IT IN MIND TO CALL MUMSIE ON THAT DAY, BUT I WOKE UP WITH A MIND BLOWING TOOTHACHE AND MENSTRUAL CRAMP.BESIDES THE BIRTHDAY THINGY,DATS HOW SHE VIEWS ME.

MY ELDEST SISTER, THINKS I'M TOO DUMB TO FUNCTION AS AN INDIVIDUAL. LIKE SHE'S THE PERFECT ONE AND YOU JUST HAVE TO ADOPT HER WAYS. AND THATS WHERE WE ALWAYS HAVE PROBLEMS. NOT THAT I TALK BACK AT HER BUT CUZ I'M MUTE WHEN SHE STARTS HER NAGGING AND U KNOW WOT THEY SAY ABOUT SILENCE.

SO ALTOGETHER, NOTHING I DO EVER GOES DOWN WELL WITH HER.

SIS: PLS MAKE QUAKER OAT FOR THE KIDS.
OK, I GO TO THE KITCHEN AND DO DAT, I MEAN WHO CAN'T MAKE OATS XCEPT ME?????
SIS: THIS IS TOO HARD FOR THE KIDS. THATS NOT THE WAY I MAKE IT.
ME: SILENCE ALL THE WAY.

I GO OUT WITH ARROGANCE OR ANYONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX, SHE XPECTS ME TO COME BACK WITH A HAMPER. MHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I GET A CALL FROM GUY, SHE HAS SOMETHING NOT NICE TO SAY ABT IT. THE ONE THAT PISSED ME OFF ONE DAY WAS WHEN I GOT A CALL FROM THIS GUY I USED TO KNOW WHO ASKED ME TO HELP CHECK ON A HOUSE HE WAS BUILDING AND I WAS JUST TELLING HIM WHAT I SAW AND HE WENT ON TO TELL ME ABT ANODA HOUSE IN LAGOS TOO. AND I ASKED IF I COULD GET A ROOM IN THE HOUSE. AND HE SAID I HAVE TO AGREE TO HIS PROPOSAL AND AS USUAL I JOKED ABOUT IT AND THE NEXT THING I HEARD WAS, "LEAVE THESE GUYS WITH THEIR HIV". WHAT WAS THAT???? IF IT BE A JOKE, IT WASN'T ONE BIT FUNNY.

ON THE DAY OF THAT POST,I HAD WOKEN UP AS USUAL AND GETTING THE KIDS READY FOR SCHOOL IN XCRUTIATING PAIN.( THAT WAS BEFORE THE TOOTH XTRACTION)AND I WAS REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD FOR TALKS. SHE WALKS INTO THE KITCHEN AND BEGAN HER USUAL "WHAT R U DOIN"????? I WAS NOT IN THE MOOD FOR HER..... U'RE NOT FUNCTIONAL TALKS AND I JUST GAVE WAY AND ASKED HER TO JUST DO WATEVER IT WAS THAT HAS TO BE DONE.

SIS: I DON'T BLAME YOU. IT'S ALL BECUZ U R STAYING IN MY HOUSE.

AT THIS POINT, MY HEART BROKE. I WANTED TO CRY, BUT I COULDN'T. WOTS ALL THAT??????? NA WA OOOOOOO. I JUST TOOK A SHOWER, AND LEFT THE HOUSE........ AND GUESS WHO THE DEVIL BROUGHT BY..................................

"ARROGANCE". YEAH HIM............. AND I JUST LET HIM WHISK ME AWAY........ HE WOULD'T UTTER A WORD TO ME AND I JUST SAT IN THE CAR DUMB TILL A CALL FROM MY GOD SISTER WHOM I TALKED TO ABOUT ALL THE ISSUES WITH MY SISTER, AND AS USUAL.................. I CRIEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD MY HEART OUT.
ARROGANCE LET ME CRY WITHOUT A WORD. AND AFTER ALL THE TEARS WERE GONE, AND I HAD SLEPT FOR SOMETIME, HE BEGAN TO SING TO ME ABT NOT GIVING IN TO THE SADNESS THAT CLOUDED MY MIND. HE TOOK ME TO PRESIDENTIAL VILLA, KNOWING I LOVE SUCH AN ENVIRONMENT... THOUGH HE WENT TO SEE OUR ACTING PRESIDENTS WIFE.

OK, I DIDN'T SAY IT......... ARROGANCE IS INTO POLITICS O. I JUST LED MYSELF THRU THE BEAUTIFUL VILLA ON A LONG WALK AND OFF WE WENT HOME AND DOT DOT DOT..............................(DON'T ASK).

ARROGANCE HAS BEEN SO NICE AND ANNOYINGLY SWEET, BUT TODAY WAS BAD. HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ALL WEEK AND TODAY HE CAME TO SEE ME BUT I DIN'T CUZ MY SISTER SPENT MY WHOLE DAY IN THE MARKET. HE EVEN OFFERED TO COME AND PICK US UP WHEN WE WERE DONE BUT MY UNCLE CAME FIRST SO I TOLD HIM NOT TO BORDER. NOW, HE AINT TALKING TO ME AND I'M WORRIED.
WHY????? TRUTH IS HE'LL STILL BE HERE 2MORO SO WTF?????????????

U ALL HAVE A FAB WEEKEND AND I PROMISE NEVER TO BE SAD ANYMORE.......

WHEN SORROW MET PAIN

2010-03-09T05:43:00.000-08:00

DARK SORROWS, WHITE PAIN.
ALL BLUE, MY DEPRESSED SOUL...
GREEN MOMENTS, YELLOW FACES.
NEVER NOTICED... CUZ SORROW MET PAIN.

ANGUISH AND TURMOIL.
RAGE AND DESTRUCTION.
SADNESS CLOUDS THE MOMENTS.
CUZ SORROW MET PAIN.

WE BATTLE TO SUPRESS ANGER.
YET, WITH EACH NEW DAY.. MORE DANGER.
NOTHING COMES EASY, EVERYTHING'S SAD.
CUZ SORROW SURE MET PAIN.

WE SULK AND TANTRUMS RISE.
WE FAULT EVEN THE TINIEST THOTS OF WOT WE THOT WAS HOPE...
WE VENT AND OUR HEADS BANG IN VAIN.
ALL BECAUSE SORROW MET PAIN.

THER'S A REASON THIS SADNESS CAME UP AND ITS CALLED *MY SISTER*... SOMETIMES I WONDER, ARE U REALLY MY SISTER???? WILL TELL THE STORY LATER.

XOXO.

TEASE ME OUT

2010-03-04T23:54:00.000-08:00

AS I WALKED IN, I WATCHED AS SHE GROWLED AND WRITTED IN PAIN.
WAS THAT FOR REAL OR WAS SHE JUST BEING OVERLY DRAMATIC??? I MEAN, THE ANAESTHETICS WAS SUPPOSED TO NUMB THE PAIN. THEN AGAIN, I THOT OTHERWISE,.... SEEING THE WAY THE DOC SCOWLDED HER AND POKED ON WITHOUT A SOOTHING WORD. YEAH, AT THIS POINT, I WAS DISCOURAGED TO EVEN GET AN APPOINTMENT CARD.

AFTER HE WAS DONE WITH HER, IN THE SAME DRY TONE, NOT MINDING THE STREAM OF WAITING PATIENTS,, DANGLED WORDS AT THE PROFESSIONALLY DUMB REGISTRAR ISSUING THE APPOINTMENT CARDS. IT WAS AT THIS POINT I SAID TO MESELF " THIS DUDE AIN'T TOUCHING ME". I SILENTLY PRAYED FOR A 2ND DOC TO APPEAR BUT NONE DID AND I RESIGNED MYSELF TO FATE AS USUAL BUT WITH AN ATTITUDE. PICKED MY CARD AND WENT INTO THE EXAMINATION ROOM....

DOC: IN HIS DRY TONE... SO TELL ME, WHAT'S UR PROBLEM?

ME: I'LL APPRECIATE IF U TALKED TO ME ON A SOFTER TONE CUZ IF U'RE GONNA ACT THE WAY I'VE WATCHED YOU DO ALL ALONG,.. THEN I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO LEAVE.

DOC: MHHHH.. OK MADAM, HOW CAN I HELP U??

NOW WE'RE TALKING. I EXPLAINED MY ISSUES AND ALL AND HE LISTENED.
AFTER THE CHECK, HE SAID, " ITS JUST GONNA BE A MINOR SURGERY. WON'T TAKE MORE THAN 15MINS".
I HATE THE "S' WORD, SO I EXCUSED MESELF TO THINK IT THRU.
AFTER BATTLING WITH THE IDEA AND WATCHING THE WAY PPLE GROWLED, I CHICKENED OUT.
I WALKED BACK IN AND TOLD HIM THAT I WOULDN'T DO IT THAT I NEEDED AN ALTERNATIVE. HE SMILED AND PATTED MY HEAD AND SAID. "IT'LL JUST BE FINE. U WOULDN'T FEEL THE PAIN".
I MET HIS ASSISTANT WHOM I TOLD TO GET ME MEDS AS I COULDN'T GO THRU WITH THE PROCEDURE. HE SAID HE JUST CAN'T LET ME WALK AWAY LIKE THAT...ATLEAST GET A CLEAN UP FOR N1000. AND AT THIS POINT, I GOT MAD.

ME: U GUYS THINK TIS IS SOME SORTA JOKE HUH. ITS ALL ABT THE MONEY HERE AND U ENJOY THE XTRACTION PROCESS..... U GUYS ARE TOTAL JERKS.
THEN AGAIN, I THOT.... "CLEAN UP"... LETS DO IT.
AS I LEFT THE CLEAN UP TABLE, THE DOC CAME TO ME AND SAID,

DOC: IT'S NOT A PAINFUL PROCEDURE DEAR YOUNG LADY. "I'LL JUST TEASE IT OUT". INFACT,COME AND WATCH ME DO IT. I WATCHED AS HE INJECTED THE LADY BEFORE ME AND 1,2,3.... IT AS ALL OVER. SO I MADE UP MY MIND TO DO IT THAN LOOSE MORE SLEEP.

AS I LAY ON THAT CHAIR, MY MIND WANDERED AWAY FROM MY BODY. I CLUTCHED MY PHONE AND PLUGGED MY EARS WITH THE EAR PHONES AND ALLOWED SOME SAD MUSIC TO FILTER THRU MY EARS. I DIN'T WANNA THINK OF WHAT CAME NEXT AS MY JAW DROPPED AND THE NEEDLES PIERCED..... MHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WAS LEFT FOR SOMETIME TO BE KNOCKED OUT.. IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES,WHILE I WATCHED, SHE DANCED OUT... OH YES... IT WAS A REAL "TEASE OUT". I ASKED FOR HER TO WRAPPED UP AS I CHEWED ON A COTTON SWAB TO STOP BLEEDING. I FELT NOTHING BUT DIN'T KNOW WOT LAY AHEAD.

AS THE ANAESTHETICS WORE OFF,....... HERE CAME THE BRAIN BLOWING CLASSIC PAIN AND DISCOMFORT. THE DRUGS DIN'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY EFFECT AND I ALMOST RAN OUTA MY SKIN. NO FOOD, JUST WATER AND BOY... I WAS HUNGRY. TOOK A STRONGER PAIN KILLER AND WAS ABLE TO CATCH A SNOOZE,THOUGH I WOKE UP A COUPLE OF TIMES TO ADJUST MESELF... BUT THAT PAIN WAS JUST SO REAL.

AND TODAY, I'M FINE. MILD PAIN THOUGH. MHHHHHHHHH, WHEN I TAKE A LOOK AT THAT BABY,I WONDER AT HOW BIG SHE IS. CUZ FROM MY MIRROR, SHE WAS JUST A TINY PAINFUL RASCAL TAHT WASN'T LIKE THE OTHERS.. AND OF COURSE I ACCUSED THE DOC OF TAKING OUT THE WRONG BABY... WHICH WAS LIKE AN INSULT TO HIM....

YEAH,.............. THE DENTIST AND I.

HOW'S EVERYONE HERE???? HAVE A FAB WEEKEND. *KISS KISS*

WETIN I WAN CALL THIS POST????????

2010-02-17T06:11:00.000-08:00

THIS POST I HAD SENT VIA MY MOBILE NEVER APPEARED HERE. AFTER ALL MY EFFORT AND FINGER CRAMPS.
WELL THATS IT OH,WERIN I GO DO?????????

HOW WAS UR VALENTINE WEEKEND?????????????? WELL MINE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN COMPLETE WITHOUT A DRAMA.
OK..... THE DAY DAWNED BRIGHT AND CLEAR AND NO PLANS WHATSOEVER. I DECIDED TO UNDO MY HAIR AND RETOUCH AFTER A CALL FROM "ARROGANCE". I TOLD HIM I'L CALL HIM BACK IF AND WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH WHAT I'M DOING.
AT SOME MINS AFTER 5PM, JUST AS I LEFT THE BATHROOM, MY GOD SISTER CAME TO VISIT AND WE SAT DOWN TO GIST WHEN THE PHONE RANG AGAIN.

ARROGANCE: SWEET, U SAID U WERE GONNA CALL???

ME: I'M JUST DRESSING UP, I'LL STILL CALL U WHEN I'M DONE.

MY GOD SISTER AND I DECIDED TO GO FOR AN ICECREAM,AND JUST AS WE SAT DOWN TO EAT, THE PHONE BEEPS AGAIN.

ARROGANCE: HELLO.
BACKGROUND MUSIC PLAYING. THIS TIME HE GOES OFF BLASTING.............
ARROGANCE: BABE I'VE BEEN SITTING OUT HERE WAITING FOR U, AND U R SUMPLACE HAVING FUN.

ME: ????????????????????????????????
B4 NOW, I GOT A CALL FROM A LADY, WITH AN ADDRESS FOR A TABLE FOR TWO. I KNEW IT WAS HIM SO I IGNORED.

ME: LISTEN, I TOLD U I'LD CALL U WEN I'M DONE WITH WHAT I'M DOING NOT HANG OUT WITH U. SO WHATS ALL THAT.
BESIDES, WE'RE DONE AND I MEANT IT WEN I SAID IT.
I TURNED OFF MY PHONE IMMEDIATELY. NA SO MY VALENTINE TAKE PASS O. SEE ME SEE WAHALA.

PLEASE EHN, THE KIND GRAMMER WEY I DEY HEAR THESE DAYS THEY KILL MY EARS O.

AS I WAKA ENTER PHOTO STUDIO TO PRINT SOME OF MY PIX, NA SO THIS BOBO JUST DEY LOOK ME AS I DEY SELECT THE PIX TO BE PRINTED. AND AS I APPROACHED THE DOOR TO EXIT, NA SO THE BOBO COME DEY XCUSE ME.

BOBO: EXCUSE ME, ARE U A ROLE MODEL?????

ME: LOL, TILL I FOUND MY BONES OUTSIDE.

THEN AGAIN, AT A SHOP WHERE I WENT TO PICK UP A HAND BAG, A FEMALE VOICE WITH STRONG IGBO ACCENT STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS.

GIRL: HI( WHICH SOUNDED LIKE "HANYI" ), UR FANCE LOOKS FAMILIANCE.

ME: LIKE SERIOUSLY???? IN MY MIND, NO BE FOR THIS FCT WEY U KNOW ME. TUFIAKWA.......... I TOOK OFF WITH MY FACE HURTING FROM SUPRESSED LAUGHTER.

BIKO, MY PPLE, NITE SCHOOL GET EDUCATION ENGLISH???
THE THING WEY DEY PAIN ME BE SAY, DIS BABE DEY SHARPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP FOR EYE.
GOD SAVE US ALL.

HOPE U ALL ARE ENJOYING THIS WEEK?????????????????????????

MY NEAR DEATH XPERIENCE

2010-02-03T21:24:00.002-08:00

I give this post up for SHORTY. Having read her post A REMINDER TO US ALL', I FELT I SHOULD SHARE THIS. .. IT ALL HAPPENED ON A BEAUTIFUL TUESDAY MORNING IN JULY 2009. I HAD PUNISHED MY BODY TRYN TO COME TO TERMS WITH A DOOMED RELATIONSHIP. I HAD BEEN BITTER AND NUFN SEEMED TO MATA ANYMORE. THE MORE I SAW PPLE SMILING AND NOT FEELING MY PAIN; THE MORE CONVINCED I FELT DAT I WANTED TO DEAL WIT IT ALL ALONE. LIFE SUCKED.. I WAS DRESSIN UP FOR WORK WEN THE RAIN CAME POURING DOWN (TRUST CALABAR WIT THE RAINS). I CALD OUT TO MY HOUSE MATE TO WAIT UP 4 ME. JUST AS I TURNED TO PICK UP MY JACKET, I FELT A SHARP PAIN IN MY CHEST AND WIT A LOUD SCREAM I PASSED OUT. I WOKE UP BY AFTERNUN SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE IN A HOSPITAL BED. STIL GROGGY FROM MEDS,WIT PIPES IN MY ARMS, I COULDNT UNDASTAND WOT WAS GOIN ON AROUND ME. BY THE NEXT DAY,MY ROOM MATE HAD TRIED TO XPLAIN WOT HAPEND TO ME BUT NONE OF IT MADE SENSE TO ME CUZ IN MY MIND I HAD GONE TO WORK AS USUAL. I ASKD TO SEE THE DOC IN CHARGE OF MY CASE AND HE TOLD ME HOW LUCKY I WAS TO BE BROUGHT IN ON TIME. HE XPLAIND TO ME THAT I HAD BEEN IN A SHOCK AS BLOOD SUPPLY WAS CUT FROM A CERTAIN PART OF MY HEART. I WENT THRU SERIES OF TEST AND WAS FINALY PLACED ON MEDS. THE PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECT CAME WIT INSOMIA AS I WAS AFRAID I'LD DIE JUST BY CLOSING MY EYES. BUT MY BODY BEGGED FOR DAT SLEEP. SLE3PING PILLS BECAME MY ONLY AID. PAIN KILLERS MY DRUG OF CHOICE TO NULL THE PAIN I FELT. WIT AL I BATTLED WIT, I HAD REALIZD THAT NUFN IS WORTH DYING FOR. AND IF MY ROOM MATE WASNT HOME DAT MORNING, NOT ONLY WOULD I AVE BEEN 4GOTEN, I WOULD NEVA HAVE SHARED IT ALL HERE. I HAVE A LIFE WORTH KEEPING AND IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY. THANK U SHORTY.

BREAK UP PALAVA

2010-01-30T10:09:00.000-08:00

BREAK UPS,WETHER,U DO IT,OR HE ENDS IT WITH U, SURE HAS ITS WAHALA.
HAVING ENDED IT WITH ARROGANCE, I COULDN'T GET AS LIL AS A WINK LAST NITE CUZ HE FELT HE HAD THE POWER TO MAKE IT RITE ON THE FONE.

PHONE RINGS.................( RING TONE, FACE DROP...........)
ME:HELLO
A: SO THIS IS WOT U MEANT WEN U ASKED "WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOIN"?
ME:???????????????????????????????
A: UR EXACT WORDS THE LAST TIME WE WERE 2GEDA.
ME: WELL........... SO WHAT DO U WANT FROM ME?
A: BABE, WE'VE BEEN THRU DIS SO MANY TIMES.WOT ELSE DO U WANT ME TO SAY? I DON'T WANNA LIE TO U.
ME: LOL.LIE TO ME? DAT'S BEEN OUR STORY OK. SO LETS JUST LEAVE THIS TALK.
A:SO LEMME ASK U, WHAT D'U WANT FROM ME?
ME: A JOB. U GOT CONTACTS, DO SOMETHING DUDE.
A: SO DATS JUST THE REASON U STILL HANG WITH ME EHN. SO U GET THE JOB AND I'M HISTORY. I TOT U WERE DIFFERENT FROM ALL THE ODAS.................
ME: LET GOD STRIKE THAT UR MOUTH. U R JUST A PIECE OF SHIT U KNOW.U TOO PROUD OF UR BROKE ASS,AND U HERE TALKIN TRASH. JUST FUCK OFF AND ROT FOR ALL I CARE.
A: CALM DOWN, DIN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY.U SO STUBBORN FOR UR PRETTY SELF.
ME: I'M SORRY, THIS CONVERSATION IS SO OVER. COME TO THINK OF IT, WHAT HAS BEEN OUR CASE IF NOT FIGHTING AND U TRYIN TO MAKE IT ALL GOOD AGAIN? THIS TIME, WE'RE DONE AND IT'S FINAL. RING ME NO MORE AND AS U ALREADY SAID AND KNOW, U HAVE BEEN REPLACED.
GET SOME SLEEP IF U CAN.

HE CALLS THIS MORNING TO ASK "WHY DO WE ALWAYS FITE WEN BOTH OF US ARE LOSING??
ME: U ARE THE ONE LOSING CUZ I'M NOT. I'M ACTUALLY GAINING JUST BEING AWAY FROM UR SORRY BEHIND.

SHOW ME THE GUY WHO COMES RUNNING TO U WITH ALL THE SWEET PROMISES OF HAPPILY EVER AFTER COMMITMENTS,AND I'LL TELL U THE SIMPLE TRICK THAT SCARES THEM AWAY.

TRICK: JUST COME ON A LIL STRONGER, AND MENTION THE FACT THAT U WANNA HAVE HIS BABY.............. AND SEE HOW HE LEAVES AN OVAL SHAPED HOLE ON UR DOOR.

THATS MY SECOND BREAK UP STORY, WITH NO REPLACEMENT.

ELIMINATE AND ADD.

2010-01-29T08:12:00.000-08:00

I GUESS THIS IS THAT TIME IN MY LIFE THAT MY BESTEST FRIEND TALKED TO ME ABOUT.
OK, I HAVE A BEST FRIEND(FEMALE), WHO IS LIKE THE SECOND ME. AND MY BESTEST FRIEND IS A MALE, MORE LIKE A FATHER FIGURE. BUT BESIDES GOD, HE KNOWS EVERY TINY WEENY BIT DETAILS ABOUT MY LIFE.SUMTIMES WISH I SHARED THAT CLOSENESS WITH MY DAD, BUT HE'S TOO BUSY PAYING ATTENTION TO ................ WATEVA.

I THOT THAT THIS TIME WILL XTEND TO THE NEARBY FUTURE, BUT ITS HERE TODAY, SO I'LL JUST HANDLE IT WELL.
HE SAYS I'M A LOT MORE GROWN SINCE OCTOBER LAST YEAR AND HE'S SO PROUD OF ME.AND I LOVE THE FEEL.

SO I ENDED IT WITH ONE OF THE GUYS. I'LL JUST CALL HIM "ARROGANCE". U SEE, I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND 9MONTHS,AND NEVA A DAY WITHOUT ISSUES. I'VE SEEN HIM ONLY SIX TIMES AND YEAH, HE'S THE ONE THAT SHOWED UP IN MY HOUSE.HANDSOME, TALL, WITH ALL THE QUALITIES OF A PLAYER. I LIKED THE WAY HE MAKES ME LAF BUT IT'S ABT TIME HE LEFT CUZ HE'S MORE PAIN THAN GAIN.

I REPLACED HIM WITH ANOTHER,SO THE NUMBER NEVER LEAVES 5.

GOT A CALL FROM A GUY ASKING IF I WANTED TO BE A MODEL. I'VE ALWAYS TOT IN THAT DIRECTION,AND NOW I GOT AN OFFER, WHAT DO I DO????????????????????? EVEN IF THE PAY AIN'T MUCH, I KNOW I'L LOVE DOIN WHAT I DO.

HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND Y'ALL.

WHO'S NEXT????????????????

2010-01-26T02:39:00.001-08:00

THINGS ARE GOING FAST AND SLOW AND I KNOW NOT WHAT TO THINK. IT'S BEEN A GOOD START THIS YEAR AND I KNOW I'LL FINISH FIRST.
I JUST DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M GRATEFUL I WAS BORN INTO MY FAMILY ALBEIT CRAZY MOST TIMES. I LOVE MY DAD, BUT I KNOW IT'S BETTER WITH MY MUM.

ONE OF US CHANGED HER STATUS RECENTLY(NOT MY SIS, BUT MY FRIEND). WE WERE THREE, NOW ONE IS GONE. WE HAD OUR TIME TOGETHER FROM CHILDHOOD TO TEENAGE YEARS TO NOW. THOUGH SEPARATED BY SCHOOLS, WE STILL FOUND WEEKENDS TOGETHER TO CATCH UP ON LOST TIMES. TRULY, ONE OF US IS GONE.
I DECIDED TO THROW HER A LIL PARTY FOR HER WEDDING.DAD LET ME USE THE BAR,AND ALSO LET ME HAVE BOOZE FOR THE PARTY. MUM TOOK CARE OF THE AFRICAN SALAD AND FOOD. I PLANNED IT SMALL, TILL THE GROOM CAME WITH HIS FRIENDS AND HER BROTHER WITH HIS TOO. DAD HAD FROWNED A BIT CUZ WE STAYED UP LATER THAN XPECTED DESPITE THE INSECURITIES, BUT WE SURE HAD A BLAST, AND EVERY1 THANKED ME FOR THE DAY. AFTERALL, WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR.THE QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S LIPS IS " WHO IS NEXT"????????????????????

SO, I SAID YES TO 5 GUYS. I'M A GIRLFRIEND TO 5 GUYS, ALL TALKING THE EVER AFTER WAY EVEN WEN I KNOW I'M NOT READY. WHO CARES. MIND U, B4 U GO CALling ME NAMES, I TOLD THEM ABT EACH OTHER, SO IF THEY CHOOSE TO STAY, THEIR BUSINESS NOT MINE. THE FUNNY THING ABOUT IT IS,THEY ALL THINK I'M MAKING THEIR OPPONENTS UP. I GET NOT TO SEE ANYONE OF THEM BUT THE PHONE KEEPS RINGING LIKE HELL AND I PICK JUST WEN I FEEL LIKE IT. I'M NOT IN LIKE WITH MARRIAGE IDEAS FOR NOW.

ONE OF THE GUYS CAME TO SEE ME AT HOME AND THAT CAUSED SOME EYEBROWS TO RAISE.NEIGHBOURS,AUNTS, FRIENDS ETC. MY AUNT WON'T LET ME BE. I TOLD THEM, HE'S EVEN THE WORST OF THE LOT AND MY DAD UNDERSTANDS WHY.

*CRAZY* MY COUSIN IS HAVING MEN CRISIS. SHE WANTS TO TIE THE KNOTS, BUT ALL GUYS SEEM TO BE ON THEIR HEELS AROUND HER AND SHE'S MAD ABT IT. SHE'S HATING ME CUZ I'VE GOT 5 COMING AND I'M NOT EVEN SERIOUS WIT ANY.

MY GRANDMUM THINKS I'M RIGHT ABOUT MY DECISIONS, BESIDES OF WHAT USE WOULD U BE TO A MAN AS A FULL TIME HOUSE WIFE?

I TOOK TIME TO COUNT ALL THE GUYS, I'VE AS LITTLE AS KISSED IN MY WHOLE LIFE AND REALIZED THAT IT COULD HAVE BEEN ONE, FOR EACH YEAR SINCE I WAS BORN. THE NUMBER IS ALARMING.

ONE OF THE GUYS ASKED, "HOW MANY BOYFRIENDS HAVE YOU HAD"
ANS: OFFICIALLY, THREE. BUT I'VE KISSED OVER 15.

MET A YOUNG LADY RECENTLY CRYING OVER A MAN WHO SAID HE LOVED HER, AND STILL LEFT HER. AND I ASKED.

ME:DOES I LOVE YOU MEAN I WILL MARRY YOU??

YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL AND BROKE.(YBB)

2009-12-19T07:25:00.000-08:00

IT'S BEEN SOME DAYS AWAY FROM HERE AND IT FEELS LIKE FOREVER. PHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
I'VE MISSED IT HERE OH.
ON MY LAST POST *SAVE ME NOW*, EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO TRUE EXCEPT FOR THE AHMED PART OF THE STORY. I WOULD SHAVE OFF MY EYE BROW BEFORE I EVA DO THAT TO AHMED.... AND THAT LEADS ME TO THE QUESTION * AM I IN LOVE WITH AHMED???

ANS: NOT AT ALL.
Q: SO WHAT IS DIS???
A: I WISH I KNEW.

SO TODAY, I'M ON *YBB*............ AND THIS IS MY STORY....................

HAVING GRADUATED 3YEARS AGO and of course,the usual one year stay at home.but in my case, i had a yr and half stay cuz my name got omitted for NYSC, PLUS A YEAR FOR NYSC PROPER WHICH SHIELDED ME FROM THE INITIAL REALITY OF UNEMPLOYMENT.
THIS WAS FOLLOWED BY THE PLANS OF TRAVELLING OVERSEAS FOR A MASTER'S PROGRAMME WHICH HAS BEEN POSTPONED INDEFINITELY DUE TO FINANCIAL CHALLENGES.
I HAVE BEEN LEFT WITH NO REGULAR INCOME AND A SOMEWAT COSTLY LIFESTYLE TO SUPPORT.(LOL).

STUDENTS BUDGETS FROM PARENTS ARE OFTEN XTREMELY GENEROUS AND THE WIDER FAMILY(AUNTS/UNCLES etc) TEND TO BE SUPPORTIVE WITH CASH GIFTS ON BIRTHDAYS, XMAS OR FOR EDUCATIONAL RELATED XPENSES.
N/B: ONCE EDUCATION IS COMPLETED, THE SUPPORT SYSTEM IS WITHDRAWN AND FINANCIAL REALITY CAN BE VERY CHILLING INDEED.

AFTER THESE YEARS OF FINDING OUT THAT THERE IS NOT IMMEDIATE USE FOR THE SKILLS DAT SOMEONE HAS WORKED SO HARD TO ACQUIRE IS A SHOCKING REALIZATION. IT ROCKS THE CAREFULLY CULTIVATED CONFIDENCE AND SELF BELIEF BUT IT ALSO PRESENTS A MAJOR FINANCIAL CHALLENGE.
UNEMPLOYMENT, DEPRIVES THOSE CONCERNED THEIR FINANCIAL AND SOCIAL INDEPENDENCE, FORCING THEM TO CONTINUE TO DEPEND ON FAMILIES FOR FINANCIAL SUPPORT. THEY CONTINUE LIVING AT HOME POSTPONIONG MAJOR ASSET PURCHASES, MARRIAGE AND OTHER MAJOR COMMITMENTS. THERE IS ALSO A DISRUPTION IN THE ABILITY TO PLAN AND SAVE FOR THE FUTURE AS SOME OF THE KEY YEARS IN THE EARNINGS LIFE CYCLE IS LOST.

HAVING GONE THRU MY BANK STATEMENT RECENTLY,I REALIZED THAT I'M ON THE ZERO LIMIT. MHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. LOL MISS INDEPENDENT IS FAST LOOSING IT.
WITH A JOB, JUST A FOOTHOLD AWAY, IT'S TIME TO CALL ON FAMILY............. MY PRIDE IS HURTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAMA IME IHE OJOOOOOOOOOO, I'LL JUST MAKE THAT CALL.
U SEE,I WAS SMART ENOF TO SAVE UP SOME CASH DURING MY SERVICE YEAR FOR A TIME LIKE THIS. IT DID COME IN HANDY........ HAVING COLLAPSED MY SMALL FIXED DEPOSIT, IT'S BEEN GREAT CHOPPING THE MONEY,,,,,,,,, NA MY MONEY JOR...... AND IT HELPED AS A BASE FOR MY PROJECT SO I DON'T REGRET A DAY FOR PUTTIN AWAY THAT STASH.

BUT NOW, POCKET IS FAST RUNNIN DRY AND LIL MISS INDEPENDENT WANA DO AN XCLUSIVE XMAS SHOPPING BUT I'M YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL AND BROKE( YBB) BUT GOD DEY, ABI NO BE SO????????????????? WHO WILL BELL THE CAT BUT FAMILY??????????????????????( AUTIES, UNCLES, COUSINS ETC, HERE I COME)

SO HERE ARE THE TIPS I CAME UP WITH TO AVOID BEING "YBB":
1) USE FAMILY SUPPORT WISELY TO ENHANCE UR EARNINGS CAPACITY. e.g SEEK FUNDS TO TAKE COURSES RATHER THAN TO FUND LIFESTYLE.

2)BE FLEXIBLE,BE CREATIVE IN IDENTIFYING VALUE ADDING OPPORTUNITY. WORKING AS AN INTERN OR OFFERING FREE SERVICES IS SUPERIOR TO SITTING AT HOME.IF ONLY PSYCHOLOGICALLY, IT ALSO GIVES U A CHANCE TO SHOWCASE UR SKILLS.

3) TRY TO REMAIN ECONOMICALLY ACTIVE.i.e TRY TO ASSIST MEETING THE NEEDS OF THOSE SUPPORTING YOU EVEN IF THEY DEMAND NOTHING OF YOU.

4)IF U ARE OUT OF EDUCATION AND STILL OUT OF THE JOB MARKET,DO THINGS THAT WILL ENHANCE UR CV AND MAKE U STAND OUT.e.g DEVELPING A LANGUAGE SKILL.

5)HAVE A BUDGET LINE EVEN IF UR INCOME LINE IS ZERO. IT WILL ALLOW U CALCULATE HOW MUCH MONEY U NEED TO SURVIVE EACH MONTH.

FIRST TIME SPENDING XMAS AWAY FROM HOME, BUT WITH AHMED AROUND. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I HOPE I DNT RUN HOME OHHHHH.

HAPPY WKEND Y'ALL.

SAVE ME SOON.

2009-12-14T10:02:00.001-08:00

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?????
ALLERGIC TO LOVE???
DEAD TO ALL EMOTIONS????
A COLD UNFEELING BIATCH AS I'VE BEEN PRESENTLY TAGGED.........

GOD, I WASN'T THIS WAY. I'VE NEVER BEEN AND WILL NEVER BE....... BUT WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW??????????????????
THANKS TO U *M*, I'VE BEEN TAGGED AS THIS *CUB*...... MHHHHHHHH , I KINDA FANCY THE NAME DOH,,,,, MAKES ME FEEL ALL IN CHARGE. YES, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AND FROM HENCEFORTH, CONTINUE TO BE, CUZ I AM A BITCH.

RECENTLY, I'VE MET SOME REAL COOL GUYS, WHO COULD HAVE MADE A BOBO, BUT SUMWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I JUST FIND A REASON TO TELL THEM OFF. IT EVEN GETS WORSE THAT TODAY, WHILE I WENT TO SEE AHMED..............
YEA, AHMED THAT I EVEN LIKE A LOT.MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
HERE IS AHMED, WHO JUST GOT BACK AND WE SEAT TO GIST AS NORMAL. HE GETS ON ONE KNEE, WITH A RING IN HAND.MHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. NOT JUST ANY RING OH.......... A RING HIS MOTHER GAVE HIM SINCE LONG AGO......... ASKING ME TO BE OFFICIAL WITH US.

I JUST SAT THERE LAUGHING OUT LOUD *EVIL LAFTER*....... LIKE HE GOT A MASK ON HIS FACE. AND EVER SO SWEETLY, I SAID A BIG *NO* WITH A PECK ON HIS CHEEK.
OWWWWWWWW, POOR BOY, U NEEDED TO SEE THE LOOK ON HIS CANDID FACE.
TEARS WELLED UP HIS EYES, NOSE TWITCHED AS HE FOUGHT BACK TEARS, AND HIS MOUTH OPENED AND CLOSED AS HE TRIED TO FIND THE WORDS TO SPEAK. POOR BOY.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??????
WHEN DID I BECOME THIS MONSTER????????
WHERE HAVE ALL MY FEELINGS GONE???????
WHO CAN SAVE ME NOW??????????

EZI AHA KA EGO(A GOOD NAME IS BETTER THAN MONEY)

2009-12-11T09:42:00.000-08:00

THANK Y'ALL FOR CHEERING ME UP WITH UR COMMENTS ON MY LAST POST.I APPRECIATE.

LET ME DIGRESS A LIL, B4 I COME TO THE TITLE OF THIS POST.
THE BOOK LAUNCH/LUNCH YESTERDAY WAS SUCCESSFUL. THE DRIVER CAME FOR ME AS PROMISED AND I ARRIVED AT THE VENUE CUTELY/COOPERATELY DRESSED. IT'S GOOD TO HAVE DRESS SENSE OH.LOL
THE VENUE WAS THE "NATIONAL DEFENCE COLLEGE, ABUJA. WITH ALL THE MILITARY IN PLACE AND SOME TOP GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS, I KNEW I HAD TO TURN MY SWAGG ON.
WITH ALL CONFIDENCE, I WALKED TO MY SEAT, DIRECTLY FACING THE MINISTER OF DEFENCE. THERE WAS MR *ABC* AND *XYZ*, AND THE LAUNCHER. AS I SAT, AN AIR CDRE SAT BESIDE ME AND STARTED TO MAKE SMALL TALKS.

AIR: CAN I KNOW U?
ARE U A REPORTER?

TOO MANY QUESTIONS COMING AT ONCE.......... SO I STAYED MUTE.

AIR: IS IT UR UNCLE LAUNCHING?

ME: QUICKLY, I SAID YES, AND GOT UP AND MOVED AWAY FROM THERE. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. PEVERT. IDIOT. GOAT. OKPEKE. DODO HEAD. U NEVER SEE FINE GIRL BEFORE???????????????

AFTER ALL 'EM SPEECHES, THE BOOK WAS UNVEILED AND LAUNCHING BEGAN. THIS IDIOT *AIR* KEPT LOOKING AT ME AND OK, HE GOT ME A COPY OF THE BOOK SHA.......... LIKE I DIN'T HAVE ONE ALREADY B4 NOW. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. NEWAYS, I TOOK IT AND GAVE IT OUT. AS WE FILLED OUT TO LUNCH, HE STILL FOLLOWED ME LIKE A BUG, BUT THANKS TO MR *ABC* WHOM I SPOTTED AND FOLLOWED ALL THRU TO THE *MESS* WHERE LUNCH WAS SERVED.

AFTER A WHYLE, I BEGAN TO WONDER IF I WAS THE ONLY FEMALE IN THE HALL, AS ALL THE MEN TURNED THEIR ATTENTION TO ME. MR *XYZ* BEGAN TO ACT THE FATHER FIGURE AS HE NOTICED. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. NUMBERS WERE FLYING AROUND ME LIKE DUST. THESE OLD MEN ARE JUST HOPELESS IDIOTS.
I'M GLAD I DIN'T DO ANYFING STUPID.
MNWHYLE, SOME GURLS ARE JUST............ PLAIN STUPID. IT'S A BOOK LAUNCH/LUNCH, NOT A QUEST FOR MAN HUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

SO, BACK TO MY TITLE,.................... MY GRANDAD LIVED SO WELL AND BUILT A REPUTATION FOR HIMSELF. HIS PRINCIPLES HE INSTILLED IN MY POPSIE, WHO HAS CARRIED ON AND ALSO MADE AN UN-TARNISHABLE NAME/IMAGE FOR HIMSELF. TODAY, I FLAUNT WITH WHAT THEY HAVE ACHIEVED AND I'VE ASSOCIATED/MET WITH DIFFERENT CLASSES OF PEOPLE WITH THAT. THE WORST I CAN DO IS TO RUIN THAT.

HONESTY, STILL REMAINS THE BEST POLICY.
DO NOT BE CARRIED AWAY BY THE THINGS OF THE WORLD.
ALL GOOD THINGS, COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT.
IF U ARE AFRAID OF RUINING A NAME, IT MEANS IT'S A NAME WORTH KEEPING BECAUSE YOU NEVER CAN TELL.
REACH OUT TO THOSE WHO COME TO YOU/OR THOSE WHO U THINK NEED YOU, *ECHI DI IME* (TOMORROW IS PREGNANT).

I AM MY FATHER'S CHILD, I HAVE LEARNT A LOT FROM THAT.

P.SS, MR *ABC* APPOLOGISED FOR STANDING ME UP.

MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

2009-12-09T10:02:00.001-08:00

MY TODAY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,. *HISS HISS*. IHE NWATA NWANYI NA AGABIGA(WOT A GIRL PASSES THRU), IN THE HANDS OF MEN.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO AND SEE MR "ABC" TODAY ON POPSIES INSTRUCTION. HAVIN' CALLED HIM IN THE MORNING, HE ASKED ME TO COME BY 12:30PM. SO I CALLED LIKE 5 TIMES AND HE NEVA PICKED UP NEIDA DID HE RETURN MY CALLS. STUPID IDIOT. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

SO MR *XYZ* CALLS AND I'M ALL EXCITED. MR *XYZ*, IS LIKE FAMILY AND SO I GO TO SEE HIM KNOWING HE'LL ALSO HELP ME SEE MR *ABC*. IN MY INNOCENT MIND. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWW.
I GOT TO HIS HOUSE AND HE WELCOMED ME WITH A WARM HUG, BUT A LIL MORE UNCOMFORTING, AND I SHRUGGED OFF. WE TALKED ABOUT STUFF, AND OF COURSE HE'S SUPPOSED TO CONTRIBUTE TO MY PROJECT. ANOTHER REASON I HAD TO GO SEE HIM. MSCHEWWWWWWWWW.
HE STARTED TO MAKE ADVANCES AT ME AND I JUST COULDN'T GET IT. IS IT BECAUSE MY DAD AIN'T HERE???????????????????????????? SO I TOLD HIM TO PISS OFF WITH ANNOYANCE AND MADE IT KNOWN TO HIM THAT IT'S ONLY IF I'M DEAD B4 HE GETS AWAY WITH HIS LUST. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. HE STATRS MAKING APPLOGIES AND WANTED TO MAKE UP FOR IT.

TOGETHER WE WENT TO A FRIEND OF HIS WHO'S LAUNCHING A BOOK TOMORROW AND THERE I MET THE GUY WHO DUPED MY POPSIE SOME YEARS AGO. THE BEAST RECOGNIZED ME AND COULD HARDLY RESPOND TO MY GREETING, CUZ I GAVE HIM MY MEANEST LOOK...........*EVIL WICKED STEPMOTHER********LOL. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
NEWAYS,GOT A VIP INVITE TO THE BOOK LAUNCH. COMPENSATION FOR MY BAD DAY HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, AND A CAR TO PICK ME UP TOOOO. BUT STILL MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

RAN INTO AN OLD FRIEND AT THE VENUE OF THE BOOK LAUNCH,,,,,,,,, FUNNY ENOUGH, HE WORKS THERE TOOOOO.................... SO I HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO IF I GET BORED.

WHY ARE MEN JUST THIS WAY EHNN????????????????????MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

TALKED WITH AHMED TODAY JARE, AND HE'LL BE BACK ON SUNDAY, ISHO ALLAH. HE'S IN PERFECT HEALTH NOW.JUST ON MEDS. THANK GOD.
CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM JO,,, OR SO I THINK AT THIS MOMENT. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I MISS MY DAD, MUM AND MA SIBLINGS. LIKE I WANNA BE HOME RITE NOW, BUT MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

THIS IS A SIGHING POST. I PRAY TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER. MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW * 1MILLION.

GOODBYE 9-12-09.

FOR AHMED

2009-12-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

WHEN WORDS SEEM TO FAIL YOU.
AND FATE SEEMS TO TRICK YOU.
WHEN ALL SEEMS TO GO WRONG.
LOOK UP AND SEE LOVE.

WHEN LIFE SEEMS SO SHORT.
AND GRACE SEEMS ALL LOST.
WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN SOUTH.
GOD'S LOVE WILL LIGHT YOU UP.

OF HIS WILL YOU WERE BORN.
BY HIS GRACE YOU ARE SAVED.
BY HIS STRIPES, U WERE HEALED.
THUS SAITH THE LORD, YOU WILL LIVE.

AND JUST LIKE YESTERDAY.
THE MEMORIES WILL FADE AWAY.
THE TIDE IS HIGH TODAY.
BUT U'LL MOVE ON AS ALWAYS.

SPOKE WITH AHMED TODAY, AND HE'S DOING JUST FINE. HE'S STILL UNDERGOING SOME TEST NOW, NOT SO SURE ABOUT RE-SURGERY.

I KNOW AHMED LIKES ME A LOT. I DO LIKE HIM TOO. AND WE BOTH LIKE OURSELVES BUT WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER, WHY?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

IS IT BECAUSE HE'S A MUSLIM?????????? OR BECAUSE I KNOW HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIED TO HIS COUSIN????????????????(HE CALLED THAT OFF BECAUSE OF ME, SOME MONTHS AGO)HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MIXED EMOTIONIONAL COMBAT................

GOD JUST KEEP HIM SAFE, I PRAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

SEX CATEGORIZED

2009-12-01T07:51:00.000-08:00

I JUST WANNA SAY A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO "MADE ME SMILE" ON MY LAST POST BY LAUGHING AT ME.YEAH YEAH, BETTER DON'T TELL UR ORDEAL OR I'LL SURE LAUGH BACK. LOL

LAST FRIDAY, WHILE I WAS IN THE SALOON GETTING MY HAIR DONE, I LISTENED CAREFULLY AS SOME GIRLS DISCUSSED THEIR APPETITE FOR SEX, AND ALL THE CRAP THAT FILTERED THROUGH MY INNOCENT EARS( LOL). AND I COULDN'T HELP BUT TRY TO CATEGORIZE "SEX" BY ME. AND THIS IS WHAT I CAME UP WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT IS SEX???????????????????????

SEX WHEN IN LOVE, CAN BE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL THING.( YOU CAN TESTIFY "WINK WINK")LOL

SEX WITHOUT ANY ATOM OF LIKENESS OR LOVE IS "JUST A WAR WITH THE GENITALS"

SEX FOR MONEY, WE ALL KNOW THE KOKO!!!!!!!!!!PROSTITUTION.

SAME SEX (GAY/LESBIANISM), SIMPLY DISGUSTING.

SELF HELP( MASTURBATION), HIGHLY BORING. WITH FINGER CRAMPS.

PHONE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE "FUDGEMUFFIN", ORIGINAL MGBEKE'S SWEAR WORD.LOL

SEX WITH ANIMALS(DOGS). DOES THAT REALLY HAPPEN????????????????, PLEASE GET A TOY.

UHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, IF YOU KNOW MORE THAN THESE I HAVE LISTED, PLEASE "MAKE ME SMILE" WITH THEM.

A GUY I USED TO KNOW ONCE TOLD ME THAT THE AVERAGE LENGTH OF A HARD DICK IS 9CM.
MHHHHHHH.
P.S, IF U HAVE EVER USED A MEASURING TAPE, LET ME KNOW!!!!!!!!! LOL.

FOR THE FIRST TIME, I GOT A REAL SHORT HAIR DO. PIX WILL BE UP SOON.

HAPPY NEW MONTH Y'ALL.

I DON FALL MY HAND

2009-11-25T14:40:00.001-08:00

HAVE U EVER FELT WHITE FACED AND WISHED THAT THE GROUND COULD JUST SWALLOW U UP?
THAT WAS ME,WITH THE GYNAECOLOGIST. DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DID I EVEN GO THERE? SERIOUSLY, I DID FALL MY HAND.

I LAY FLAT ON MY BACK WITH MY LEGS PROPPED UP ON HIS EXAMINING TABLE, MY MIND A MILLION MILES AWAY AND WISHING I COULD JUST BE SEDATED ONLY TO WAKE UP ON MY OWN BED.

READY AND STEADY NOW, HIS SLENDER MASCULINE FINGERS NOW MASKED IN GLOVES TWITCHED AS HE WAS READY TO WORK. AND SUDDENLY HE DISAPPEARS TO THE DEPTH BELOW. AT THIS POINT, MY DEAR PEOPLE OF BLOGSVILLE, I CLAMMED UP.

DOC: RELAX
ME: OK.

AS MUCH AS I TRIED,I COULDN'T. ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT HE WAS PEEPING LET ALONE THE POKING.

DOC: RELAX
ME: OK

STILL NOT WORKING. THE DOC GETTING IMPATIENT WITH ME, GOES AGAIN

DOC: RELAX
ME: OK, I'M NOT SURE I CAN GO TRU WITH THIS.

KAI, BUT I'VE COME THIS FAR.........
WELL SHA, I RESIGNED MYSELF TO FATE. I SHUT MY MIND OUT AND LET HIM GET TO WORK.

I COME FALL MY HAND WHEN I LET OUT A MOAN. WAS THE GUY WORKING OR GIVING ME SOME . . . . . .? IHE NKEA SEF?(THIS KAIN THING). I JUST COULDN'T WAIT TO GET LOST FROM THAT PLACE.
NA CURIOUSTY KILL THIS CAT(ME).MSCHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

FOR THE MUSE

2009-11-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

I JUST COULDN’T HELP THE THOUGHTS TODAY.
THE MUSE I LOVED AND CHERISH EACH DAY.
HE BROUGHT ME SMILES ON THIS FACE I FROWNED.
I’M STILL ALL SMILES, WITH EACH NEW LINE.
THE TIMES WE HAD, WAS NOT ALL BAD.
THE BAD WE FOUGHT, I LEARNT A LOT.
THE LOT I LEARNED HELPED SHAPE MY MIND.
BUT TRUTH BE TOLD, YOU CUT ME COLD.
I FOUGHT TO BE, AND NOW I’M GROWN.
I FEAR NO MORE, MY TEARS ALL GONE.
I BEAM WITH SMILES, AND I KNOW U WAS RIGHT.
YOU HAD TO LEAVE, AND NO MORE LIES.

With just a few days before i move, i decided to check in with my cardiologist cuz i've been having some palpitations. here's our conversation:

DOC: HOW HAVE U BEEN?
ME: GOOD, XCEPT FOR SOME SKIPPING HEARTBEAT.
D: OK.ARE U TENSED WHEN IT HAPPENS?
M: I DUNNO. JUST FEEL LIGHTHEADED.
D:ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT ANYTHING?
M:NOPE.(DATS A LIE).
D: ARE U ON UR PERIOD?
M: NOPE
D: WHEN IS IT DUE?
M:SOME DAYS AGO.
D: wit a raised eye brow///// WHEN LAST DID YOU HAVE SEX?
M: ???????????????????
D: D'U HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
M:?????????????????????????
D: TAKE OFF UR SHIRT AND BRA SO I CAN LISTEN TO UR CHEST.
AT THIS POINT, MY PALPITATIONS CAME BACK. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS WEN I HAVE TO SHOW MY BOOBIES.

NEWAYS AFTER THE CHECK, I WAS SENT FOR AN ECG.and it came back clear.
D:WHAT ARE YOU MOST SCARED OF?
M: BEING ALONE.
So he tried to psyche me, and yeah he did a mighty good job.

D: YOU ARE JUST A LIVING ANXIETY BOX.
M: LIKE I DIN'T KNOW.

HE TALKED ABOUT THE DANGERS OF MY EVER ANXIOUS STATE, AND MY NEED TO RELAX MY MIND. AND AS FOR MY FEAR, I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ESPECIALLY NOW THAT I'M GOING AWAY.
M: OK.

D: SORRY, BUT PERMIT ME TO ASK!!!! Y DON'T YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
M: TAKING A BREAK FROM THERE.
D: THAT CAN HELP, U KNOW?
M: OK. THANK YOU SIR, AND I TAKE MY LEAVE.

DO YOU KNOW THAT ANXIETY CAN HOLD BACK YOUR PERIOD i.e IF U ARE SURE U ARE NOT PREGGY???? I LEARNT A LOT FROM THAT SESSION.

IF I HAD THOT SHOWING MY BOOBIES WAS SUCH A BIG DEAL, HERE COMES THE GYNAECOLOGIST( BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE).

THE LIFE OF MALE DOCTORS.

JUST A POEM.

2009-11-20T12:22:00.000-08:00

Thru the dessert plains of my loveless life.
To the dusty plains of my over reactive imagination.
I'm borne on the wings of beautiful Verses.
Of how bitter sweet some memories can be.

From the dusk of my long endless days.
To the dawn of this beautiful new me.
I'm borne on the wings of more beautiful Verses.
Of how Sweet,Love can truly be.

I'm on a high, served with love on a silver platter.
I strut now, on the Golden Threads of our Love.
Carefully woven into thin fabrics of words.
I'm borne on the wings of more beautiful Verses.
Each, an expression of my true character, JUST IN LOVE.

Gone are my old ideas of Love..
Fresh with this new break of dawn.
I'm borne on the wings of the most beautiful Verses.
BITTER SWEET MEMORIES DISPLACED,.... EVERGREEN MEMORIES,... ,I LIVE ON.

i like my lil poem. kinda the best i've pened down recently.

neways, babysitting just makes you feel guilty when you have to leave those sweet little things behind.
So i couldn't leave afterall nor could i let my mum go on an emergency leave. so i stayed behind......... U SEE....I'M NICE. YEAH DAT NICE. WATEVA.

SOME MONTHS AGO, I TOOK AN EXAMINATION I NEVER THOT I'LD PASS. U KNOW THAT FEELING OF "THIS AINT RIGHT". SO SOME WEEKS TO THE EXAM, I CALLED HOME WITH THE EXCUSE OF SKIPPING THE EXAM... BLA BLA BLA(MORE LIKE XCUSE FOR FAILING AN EXAM I HADN'T WRITTEN). SO I GOT ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT AND SAT FOR THE EXAM I NEVER DID PREPARE MUCH FOR.
SOME DAYS AGO, I CHECKED THE RESULT AND I PASSED.............YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I PASSED THE EXAM. CONGRATULATIONSSSSS..... IF NO BE GOD............ I LOVE HIM SO.
HE'S KNOWS HOW TO PERFECT THINGS FOR HIS OWN.

FOR SOME REASONS I'M GLAD I DIDN'T TAKE MY SUPPOSED TRIP THIS WEEKEND.SO TO MY TRIPLE DELIGHT, MY GRAND AUNT FIXED MY ACCOMODATION PROBLEMS FOR ANOTHER LOCATION( OH, I LOVE HER SO), I GET AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE USAID AND UNDP OFFICE, AND MY CHANCE TO LIVE ALL BY MYSELF AGAIN. DON'T I JUST LOVE GOD.

HAPPY WEEKEND TO ALL MY PEEPS LIVING THEIR DREAM.

A LIL RANT.

2009-11-12T07:59:00.000-08:00

Now i know that being a mum aint a fancy job afterall.

here's my story and the reason i haven't been here or anywhere in a while.........

I am a very nice girl, that explains why i'm putting 3 weeks of my precious time on hold to become a full time mother of 3.
to forefeit my lessonns(french and spanish), getting away from home a whyle to my new environ and personal project. U see, i'm that nice to do away with all these to be helpful to YOU and yet u don't appreciate.
I hate to half way tru with wot i've started if not, i wuld ave just abandoned these kids without a wink and live my life.

I am ranting here cuz my sis since her being around seems to be suffering from partial memory loss(i'm sorry if u read this sis). she's started to piss me off wif all her complaints.(i'm allergic to this, don't want mosquitoe bites on the kids) all her oohs and aahs are just irritating me. have you 4 gotten how we lived thru these bites AND NO ALLERGIES and nufn happened? abeg jo enof is enof.
wakey wakey, u r back home so please fine tune ur FEELERS to recieve naija how u left it or even worse.

I'M A WEEK PLUS INTO MY JOB AS A FULL TIME MUM as my sis is away in Niger state for her NYSC. TO make my job lighter, wen she left, my folks decided to move the kids over to our house which is not a distance to diers. YEAH, HELL BROKE LOOSE WHEN SHE LEARNT THAT HER SON GOT BITES(MOSQUITOES) AND she rants of how uncaring i've been. please do u expect me to celotape the boys whole body???????

SO FINALLY,SHE AND HUBBY DECIDES TO MOVE THE KIDS BACK TO THEIR HOME, THERBY DOUBLING MY JOB CUZ AT HOME GOT AN XTRA HAND WITH MY MUM.
I FRANKLY DO NOT LIKE THIS.............. BUT I'M NICE AND THAT SAYS IT ALL.

I'm quitting this job next week that means mum has to go on LEAVE to take over. i've got somethings to pursue and seriously, no looking back.

HERE'S A LIL WATEVA I PENED DOWM SOME DAYS AGO...................

EFFORTLESSLY I HEED THE CALL.
EVEN THE MONSTER IN ME COULDN'T WAIT TO EXPLODE.
WITHOUT A TINY BIT OF GUILT IN ME,
I'M ON RAGE AS MY SADNESS DEEPENS.

WHO DO I FIGHT FOR THING NOT DONE RIGHT?

WHO DO I SLAY FOR THE HALF TRUTH TOLD?

WHERE LIES MY STRENGTH????????

IN MY FIST OR MY GUN?

IN MY BOW OR ITS SLENDER ARROW??

IN MY SLING OR MY SHOT???

I HAVE NO POWER OF MY OWN.
FOR I WAS NOT BORN WITH A HEART OF STONE.
SO, GONE IS THE WAR THAT BEGAN IN ME,
AND BACK IS THE PEACE THAT LIES WITHIN.

I AM A LOVER OF PEACE AND A HATER OF WAR.
I AM AT EASE WHEN MY WORLD IS AT PEACE.

6/11/09 (5pm)

2009-11-07T01:27:00.000-08:00

I am born today,
and could live a hundred years.

I am born today,
and could die a million deaths.

I am born,for reasons yet to unfold.

I won't leave,without a story untold.

Though life may be bitter sweet,
with these adventures i seek.

I rest not with ease,
but let my mind wander in peace.

I speak not of things i'v seen.
For the answers lie deep within my sleep.

I am a child,born into this world of sin.
I am my father's child, yet for the world to see.

MY SOUND OF MUSIC

2009-10-31T04:41:00.001-07:00

I was 16 going on 17,knowing that i'm naive.
Fellows i meet, they tell me i'm sweet and willingly i believe.

I was 16 going on 17, Innocent as a Rose. Eager young lads and roués and cads, Offered me FOOD AND WINE.
Totally Unprepared i was,to face the world of MEN.
Timid and shy and scared i was, of things beyond my KEN.

When u're 16 going on 17, waiting for life to start. Somebody kind who touches your mind,will suddenly touch your heart.
When that happens,AFfter it happens, nothing is quite the same.

SO, ADVENTURE BECKONED, AND FOOLISHLY, I COULDN'T RESIST.

I fell in LUST or INFATUATION bt certainly not LOVE. Wot did i know then? Couldn't tell them apart.
A foolish girl with romantic notions about thd life of an eager teenager waiting to explode.

My LUST was passionate. But over the months, my feelings changed.
HE DISSAPPOINTED ME. IGNORED ME.
We settled into a relatiönship of peaceful indifference. The old husband & wife,who sit side by side on the Sofa, but rarely speak.
He knows i wouldn't leave him.
I felt it was my duty.
But when LUST & Duty are one, Then DISASTER WILL BEFALL YOU.

YOU MAY THINK THIS KINDA ADVENTURE, MAY NEVER COME TO YOU.

Darling 16's going on 17, WAIT A YEAR OR TWO.

Nothing comes from Nothing.
Nothing ever Could.
So, Somewhere in your YOUTH OR CHILDHOOD, TRY TO DO ,SOMETHING GOOD.

Hapi wkend y'all.

MY NIECE,OUR DOG &HER ALPHABETS.

2009-10-29T16:06:00.001-07:00

In my day's spare time,i tutor my lil niece SALMONELLA(one of her numerous names,from the movie "HAPILY NEVA AFTA"). GREENADE(FROM HER ALLERGY TO PEANUTS). YAATT(FROM HER SUPRISE WEN NEPA FLASHES THE LIGHT)& of course SCARAABB(FROM HER FIRST PERIWINKLE XPERIENCE). This lil 3year old,loves bullying everyone bt hates being bullied&neva a day witout COOKIES.

In my father's house,dere's the most rubbish dog we've ever had. He's called ROVER. To him,he's just the last child of the house&my father does treat him as one. He does nutin but eat,watch tv,play&sleep. Once,there had been a gunshot in our house,he was the first to dock behind the chair. A DOG INDEED.

In our tutorial class,we've gone tru the ALPHABET CD'S Severally. Identification of shapes,animals&colours. Her major problem is,she can't hold a pencil.

Today,we were set out to impress her parents,alongside her grandparents. So here we go!!

A is for APPLE.
B is for BALL.
C is for COOKIE.&
D is for ROVER.

Evrione burst out laughing.
Of course she wasn't wrong. SHE'S JUST SMART or Wot d'u think?

I still get paid for doing my job.

THIS AND THAT.

2009-10-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

hi people been a whyle i've been here.

So at the wedding, from my last post, i decided to take part. Dunno wot happend,maybe some kinda magic in the LITTLE WHITE DRESS that helped me overcome my AGORA PHOBIA.
It came with the music "ALL THE SINGLE LADIES". TO HAVE MYSELF SOME FUN, I JUMPED TO THE CENTRE OF THE HALL DANCING(I REALLY DNT KNOW HOW TO)AND THEN TIME FOR THE BRIDE TO THROW HER BOUQUET. SO PATIENTLY I WAITED AND BINGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I CAUGHT IT. THIS meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. hehehehehehehehhehehe.
wateva, the wedding went well for me xcept for the fact that CRAZY tried to hook me up with her TENTACLES from th night before. Of course i had to keep my NOT INTERESTED LOOK IN PLACE. MCHEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

TODAY GOT ME THINKING ON THE WRONG SIDE. LIKE..............

WHICH WAY AM I HEADED?
WHERE DO I GO?
WHO DO I RUN TO?

I'm most confused right now and all i can do is let the tears down.
LIFE right now....... i don't have the best opinion abt it. Everything seems hard. like struggle day and night for nothing at all.
I HATE THE QUESTION WHY?? BUT NOW I'M ASKING, WHY???

WHY ARE THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE?
WHY DO WE HAVE TO FIGHT TO SURVIVE?
WHY DO WE STRUGGLE EVERYDAY WITH NOTHING IN SIGHT TO SHOW FOR IT??
WHY IS LIFE SOMETIMES BLANK???

WHO can answer these questions without petting it????

I'm in a bad place now and even I, don't understand it. i've lost that self confidence.... cuz nothing seems to be working around mee.

LIFE SEEMS NOT RIGHT. MY FAMILY, NO GOOD FRIENDS, NO JOB.... INFACT EVERYTHING.
SO I CRIED MYSELF TO UNCONSCIOUSNESS. I AM DEPRESSED.
LIFE'S AN IRONY. It has stung me, i hurt but still smile cuz in THE HIDDEN PART OF MY BROKEN SOUL, I SEE A TINY SPARK THAT SAYS "HOLD ON, CUZ IT'S YET MORNING ON CREATION DAY".

SO HERE'S ANOTHER WHY QUESTION.

WHY DO PEOPLE SETTLE FOR THE ALTERNATIVE, WHEN TIME CAN PERFECT THE BEST???

U SEE, FEAR OF BEING ALONE, MAKES HASTY DECISIONS AND RESULTS TO ISSUES.
ISSUES THAT MIGHT SCAR AND HAUNT YOU FOR A LONG TIME. AND DOOM IF NOT CONTROLLED. HAVEN'T SEEN THE DOOM PART MYSELF BUT YEAH,.......... WATCHED A CONTROVERSY, OR IS IT STILL PLAYING??????????

1) HE'S MARRIED WITH KIDS AND SHE TOO. BUT WENEVA SHE'S IN TOWN, SORRY FOR THOSE THEY LEFT BEHIND,CUZ THE SPARK'S STILL THERE AND YES THEY CHEAT ON THEIR SPOUSES EMOTIONALLY.

2) SHE'S WELL ABOVE 50, AND HE 60 +. HER HUSBAND'S LATE, DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIS WIFE.

YOU KNOW WOT???? THE AGE DOESN'T MATTER. THEY SPEND COUNTLESS MINUTES ON THE PHONE, REMINISCING ABOUT OLD TIMES, WOT WAS, WOT COULD HAVE BEEN AND NOW.

LOVE OR LUST, KNOWS NO AGE. IT CATCHES UP WITH YOU.

OK,FUNNY, THE FIRST SHE, IS THE DAUGHTER OF THE SECOND SHE. YOU MAY THINK "LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER", BUT U SEE, LIFE IS JUST IRONIC. THE GRAND CHILD IS ON THE SAME MISSION.
I JUST LOVE THIS DRAMA.

NOW

THAT BRINGS ME TO MY AGONY, "MARRIAGE". YOU SEE, I LOVE WEDDINGS, BUT I KINDA NOT LIKE THAT PART IN CHURCH WEN THE VOWS ARE EXCHANGED.

NOW WHY???????????????

DO U TAKE . . . . . . TO BE UR LAWFUL WEDDED SPOUSE?? TO LOVE AND TO HOLD? FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, FOR BETTER FOR WORSE? FOR RICHER,FOR POORER? IN SICKNESS, AND IN HEALTH??? TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH?? UNTIL WE ARE PARTED BY DEATH, ACCORDING TO GOD'S HOLY LAW??? THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW.

SOMEONE MURDERED TRUTH. WHAT HAPPENED TO NEVER MAKE PROMISES U CAN'T KEEP.

SO FOR EVERY ONE OF MY FRIENDS, GOING JELLY JOLLY OVER GETTING MARRIED, .............. SURELY, MY BEST WISHES.

UNTIL I CAN DEAL WITH O'LEVEL RELATIONSHIPS, THEN WILL MY JOURNEY COMMENCE.

FOR NOW, I'LL JUST BE A SPECTATOR.

I AM UNBELIEVABLY..... ....

2009-10-02T16:57:00.001-07:00

SKINNY. Yeah SKINNY, Yesterday confirmed so.

Wot do i do???
At the G's, theres a wedding planned for the weekend and of course, Miss skinny,needs a dress.
On my mini b.day shopping,in a clothe shop(my sister's wardrobe),nothing seems to fit xcept for the LITTLE WHITE DRESS dat led my mum to ask:

MUM: WOT'S THIS?

ME: A DRESS.:-(

MUM: SAYS WHO?

ME: DOLCE&GABANA.
Wot now mum?? this is the only thing that seem to fit.

Ok, CRAZY & I set out on this journey. D G's driver came 4 us. The journey just begun.

There's a formal dinner/party tonite. All dressd and out, all the food on the table seem to be in front of me like i had a "MAKE ME FAT" post hanging on my neck. Mcheewww. Dinner passed slowly then i got bored. Evri1 mingling two by two, now wots this Skinny lonley sister to do???

MR G and I fall into a conversation and that felt good. Half an hour later, he's gone and Skinny's alone again. Meanwhyl, CRAZY is busy doing wot she does best(embarasing me). Sumthing i'm missing or just not seeing!!!! *blink blink*. CRAZY knows the groom. I mean KNOWS. Dis gurl sef. Nuff rezpeckkkttt.

I'm a bit tired and wana just hit the sacks. Tomorrow's yet a continuation... ... ... ...

But people in BLOGviLLE, WOT CAN A SISTER DO TO GAIN SOME??

Don't name drugs cuz it din't work.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

2009-09-30T13:09:00.001-07:00

It struck me like the lightening(BOREDOM),and i pick my handbag with the excuse of going to pick some stuff... And zoom, i ran off to calabar yesterday. Oh, i'v missed you for a month plus.

In one night, I touched almost all the places i love the most&the people i wanted to see, cuz something tells me,THIS JOURNEY MIGHT BE CUT SHORT.

My aunt calls today, saying "I KNOW U'RE BORED, HENCE THE TRIP". Truth!!!, damn truth.
Then again, she says the sweetest thing ever.
AN ALL EXPENSE PAID TRIP WITH THE G.FAMILY. they're xpecting you.
DID I HEAR WELL???
THIS MITE JUST BE THE P-U-R-R-FECT B.DAY GIFT.

The G.FAMILY is made up of a blunt,funloving,funky father. A petit,quiet, but very insightful mother. Lovely grown up kids,male&female alike. And a host of exciting relations.
NOW, whether my pops likes it or not, My journey has just begun.
THEN AGAIN,i smell a RAT.

"CRAZY" heard about my trip,and now,it's the both of us.
CRAZY is my mad cousin whom i have nothing in common with,xcept for a bad nail bitting habit we got from our Great-grand mum. She leaves nothing but trouble where ever she goes. SHE'S SIMPLY CALLED "BAD NEWS". Evri1 knows. HOW CAN I HANDLE HER ON THIS???
I'l sure write about her after this trip.

Its my B.DAY tomorrow,and here's my line up:

DRESS CODE: (GREEN-WHITE-GREEN). SOME HOURS IN CHURCH. THE SALON. MINI SHOPPIN. And anything else that comes up.
FBI,Wants to hang out with me. FBI(FEMALE BODY INSPECTOR)&CRAZY, Are the worst COMBO amongst all my cousins. DISASTER COMBO.

A potential boyfriend material called a week b4 to announce his arrival, and...

ME: Cool. I'll be here.

Don't i just love my AUNT. Dude i'm sorry.
I'm not giving up this weekend trip for anything in the world.
My whole mind's on it.

I din't see it coming...

I'm God's delight.
I'm best alive.
I'm God's own child.
So broad i smile.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
:-) ;-).

FAMILY!!! CAN U RUN FROM IT???

2009-09-26T06:29:00.001-07:00

These are not the best times, to be in my FATHER'S HOUSE. Come to think of it, WHEN HAS???
Ok,yeah, i admit. There has been some good but.....

Dad's non-chalancy kips digging up old memories/scars i've been long tryna kill.*sobs*. MY HEART SIMPLY ACHES.

Thank goodness to some level of Understanding my siblings and I have. One day, THESE TIMES, will be 4eva past.

MUM&DAD,Maybe are not meant to be 2geda afterall. I'v always nutured this emotion since i was 5/6years of age.And i know,its true. BUT WATEVA BROUGHT THEM 2GEDA??? ARE THEY STILL 2GEDA BECUZ OF US??? Truth is,these 2 adults here,living under the same roof, have no RELATIONSHIP WHATSOÉVER and these days,more than ever b4,seem to get on each other's nerves.

MUM spends more time in CHURCH these days. And DAD,on a peace mission that leaves the FAMILY in DANGER. I tot family always came first or is mine from VENUS.

Wen i left home last year, i said i wasn't going back there. But as the saying goes, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME". So i came back. Its been a month plus, but never a day without ISSUES.

I feel like i'm carrying a load thatz too heavy for me. I'v nowhere to go, so i'm down on my KNEES.
I read that portion of the Bible"MARK 11:23-24". Thrèe things struck me.
1)PRAY.

2)BELIEVE.

3)RECIEVE.
This is a trial of FAITH. GOD, let thy will be done.

In a couple of days(4days), i'l be +1,
+positive change, + new phase, + no going back, +over you, +MARY J(NO MORE DRAMA),Had enof for 2009. +1 new language(FRENCH OR SPANISH), +100% HENCE FORTH.

SO HELP ME GOD.

WOULD YOU TELL A TOTAL STRANGER BECAUSE HE'S A "PRIEST"?

2009-09-18T05:59:00.001-07:00

She couldn't stay, and off she ran to church... ... ... ...!!!!

CONFESSION:

SHE: Father 4gve me for i have sinned. *quiet**

PRIEST: Go On....

SHE: This is my first confession since i was... ... Um ehm em em em.

U know wot FATHER, i can't tell you anymore. I don't trust you.
Infact, you tell me! D'u fantasize abt the women in ur congregation????

I bet u'l neva tell that to a total STRANGER like me. So WHY do i ave to TRUST you with my WORDS.

So she carries her guilt and shame&weeps al the way HOME,Broken - Spirited.

NOBODY KNOWS YOUR SECRETS,UNTIL YOU SHARE THEM, ITS NO LONGER CALLED A SECRET BUT "SHARED KNOWLEDGE".

JUST ANOTHER DAY.

2009-09-15T12:49:00.001-07:00

Today, i felt like eating èvriting and at the same time NOTHING. Feels funny though. Dunno,jst don't know.

Had a DAYMARE this mid-morning but thanks to my phone for waking me up. I din't wanna see the end neways.

So,i feel like piercing my EAR again or my NOSE & Getting a HAIR CUT or CHANGING MY HAIR COLOUR. Wateva, just a new look.

Mum,please, would you stop complaining about everything and nothing. I'm kinda sick of these. I nid the same attention you seek OK.

And so,everybody misses "THE NOISE", Even the LAZY DOG. We play the songs he loves and cry out "GO WEB"... ... His famous SPIDER DANCE.
Its funny how i feel about THE NOISE being away. WHAT IF IT WERE MY OWN CHILD? Mhhhhhh. Just wöndering.

A former colleague calls me today,and reads a note on one of our numerous mischiefs,and i laughed my lungs out.

Back in those days, i Admit,mischief was my thing. Once made a video of my A.M,who had a habit of touching HIMSELF. That,would have cost me my job. Or that of my MANAGER... In an awkward position. Thanks to my photographic memory,it still plays in my head.

I miss working and can't wait to start again. I'm in dire need of a JOB. But evritin, jst seems to drag. Mscheeww. But i'm HOPEFUL.

I'VE GOT A FRIEND......

2009-09-14T13:54:00.001-07:00

Well, he could be my Father in my next world, but right here and now, more than anybody else... ... Except God, He knows me so Well.

He's my ANTI-DEPRESSANT.
And my MOOD ENHANCER.
He knows when it PINCHES.
And my LISTENING EAR.

Despite all my acts, he just smiles at me and says "BABY, U GOTA GROW". WISH I COULD, BUT I CAN'T KEEP PROTECTING YOU 4EVA.

LIVE LIFE.

WORRY LESS.

U'RE YOUNG,SMART AND GORGEOUS.

NOTHING IS WORTH DYING FOR.

And with dese words, i'm ready to face the world.
Ok, i'v known him for 4years now&i'm more than glad that he's there, to watch me GROW.

He watched me struggle with my first breakup,alongside family issues. Just wen i tot to give up on me,... ... ... HE SHOWED UP.
He always says, OPEN UR HEART TO LOVE ALWAYS. IN THIS BUSINESS, LEARN TO FASTEN UR SEATBELT.

Almst 2yrs after, i had the funniest Relatnshp eva. Dis dude, patiently prayed,for my breakup wif my first so i decided to play him 4 it.
For almost a year, all we did was Talk on the PHONE. And when he decides to show up in NIJA, I KNEW DAT WAS THE END. Cuz truth is, i neva wanted anyone close.
I WAS STILL EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE.
Jst as God wil have it,he gave me a good reason to JUSTIFY MY LEAVING.

WOT A RELIEF........
No love lost, cuz he moved on and we'r still friends. Thank gøodness.

And almost 2years after or yeah 2years(2009), i was ready to love again and ... ... ... ...

LOVE EXISTS. It hasn't just found you/u haven't found it, doesn't mean it's not dere.

Oops, my DAD just turned off my room light, a habit he has since i was a kid. LOVE??? I miss the tucking in part. Mcheewww.

These MOSQUITOES, Beta let me be or ,... We'r gonna tarry all nite cuz u ain't getin no juice off me.

SQUITOESSS STOP THE HYMN PLS.

PERIODS, VOICELESS....

2009-09-13T02:31:00.001-07:00

And so, i hate dat time in an ADULT WOMAN'S life wen u ave to bleed for days. I'v neva got a hang of it. It always drags me down and i hate it.

Funny thing, if it's not dere, U go outa ya mind looking for it. LOL.
I JUST HATE PERIODS. Bt fantasize about having sex when its dere.
MESSY MESSY THING.

I haven't been to church in... ... .,. ... Rily cnt remember the last time. i'm nt proud of it doh.

L8ly, i'v bn having erratic heart beats, skip skap skop STOP. It leaves me light headed and injuriously agressive. But FOCUSED i'l stay and LIVE I WILL.

I could DIE,
I could LIVE.
I could sink beneath this WAVE, But
My choice determines my STRENGTH.

But,if i DIE before i WAKE,
Weep not world for it's my FATE.
Look back and remember me for these THINGS....
I CAME, SMILED AT YOU,& I'M GONE.
But if i'm awake by DAWN,... ...
Hold my hands, SMILE YOUR BEST,....
Cuz i'm here for YOU.

Here,i am today, thinking of SWEET NOTHING. D house feels so quiet. D noise is gone. He left yesterday for school.
Well, "THE NOISE" is my last brother who always leaves us wondering wot he's got in his SMALL SKULL.
I bet i went to all the schools i did based on my parents decisions. I'v neva had a voice neways and sometimes even now.
So THE NOISE, takes his own decision and no one can change that. I bet my DAD finally met his MATCH.

My BOOBS HURT(bt dnt mind a massage).

I feel BLOATED.

I'm TOUCHY.

Fill like THROWING UP.

Bt my STOMACH,doesn't hurt. Thank Goodness.

SUMMARY OF MY 1ST 8 MONTHS.....

2009-09-01T01:26:00.001-07:00

Here comes

JANUARY:
WORK: Occupied by work. Loving my job the more,and doing it all rite.
RELATIONSHIP: None at all. Jst takin it as it is. Bt a feeling dat i mite start one. Its bn almst 2 years.

So it was all abt my job. JANUARY.

FEBRUARY:
Here it is, hating my job, after asking for permisn to attend my best friend's pop's burial& was landed a new target. Tried to meet up, bt overworkd my skinny arse and BROKEDOWN.

RLATNSHP: OK, sumtn's brewing with a young dude,whom witout even,........, i fell in love with. I was willing to let myslf flow with d tide. Sumtn to ease up with afta WORK.

MARCH:
Tried to kip up with my job but i knw not like i did b4. Going to work became UNINTRESTING, And i hated d begining of each week.

LOVE: Oh, wot it does to you..... Wantd 2 spend my all days,wit my CHARMING PRINCE, Bt DISTANCE + WORK, (Of couse,work. If nt no chop). Made do with d wkends we happen to see and the Phone calls. mchéeewww

APRIL:
I was less, productive at work and dat was bcuz i wanted to. It got worse, and my guilty conscience din't help me one bit, so i decided to up my Game.

LOVE:
HONEY HONEY, HOW HE THRILLS ME, A HA.
HONEY HONEY.
HONEY HONEY, HOW HE KILLS ME , A HA.
HONEY HONEY.
I WANTED TO KNOW SOME MORE..........

ARE U 4 REAL......? I Always thot.
Work got better though.

MAY:
Work has improvd a lil bit. Less pressure frøm superiors. Oops, evritn's falling in place.

LOVE: Rlatnshp meltdown. I feel it, bt choose to ignore it. I WAS IN LOVE and din't wana c d glaring signs.

It came, a'las.
It crashed.
I was devastated.
I wantd answers.
I got none.
Evritn went blank.

LOVE SUCKS AIT? Messes wit ur head big time.

JUNE:
Work suffered more and more. Evritn was bleak. Couldn't concentrate, just couldn't.

PERSÖNAL LIFE: LOST weight, cldnt eat for weeks. Became more a shadow of myslf. DAMN IT. al bcuz of LOVE. I became agressive, hated evritn around me. CRIED almost evri nite. Bt dis too will pass.

JULY:
WORK, i hated so much now. Jst went dere cuz i had to. Counting my days to leave d job 4 a while. To tink tings tru in my head. And dere it came, bt UGLY.

LIFE: MY heart, kinda played a trick on me. Went on admission in a hospital. Bt dis wasn't the kinda break i needed away from work. This was worse than work. I was in pains and yes ALL BECUZ OF LOVE.

The DOCTOR tried to talk me out of it.

My MUM did too.

So did my DAD.

Did i listen? Yeah i did. I startd to get ova it big time.

YES, I'VE BEEN BROKEN HEARTED.

BLUE, SINCE THE DAY WE PARTED.

WHY, WHY, DID WE EVA LET GO.

MY , MY,.....
I SHOULD JUST HAVE LET YOU GO.

AUGUST:
FREE from work a'las. More time to focus and tink things thru.
Took a one week trip outside my ZONE. Yeah, it did help.

My best friend came visiting and told me stuff dat brought tears to my eyes.
I realizd hear anger. Bcuz of dis DUDE, Our friendship swayed and even her MOTHER, Complaind.

SHE BLURTD OUT: I HATE HIM 4 WOT HE DID TO YOU.

ME: I HAVEN'T GIVEN MYSLF A REASON TO HATE HIM.

So, she travels back,and i tot about our discussion and yeah rite. WAS HE WORTH OUR SEPERATION? DAMN. W'eve come a long way( 1996-2009). And jst a 3months FLASH, Almost ruined dat. NEVA AGAIN WIL I LET THAT HAPPEN.

I'm back home to see my family. And ave an urge to see him again.
WOT AM I DOING???

I WAS ANGRY AND SAD, WHEN I KNEW WE WERE THRU.
I CAN'T COUNT ALL THE TIMES I HAVE CRIED OVER YOU.

LOOK AT ME NOW...
WILL I EVER LEARN,
I DON'T KNW HOW...
BUT I SUDDENLY LOSE CONTRO-O-O-L,.....
THERE'S A FIRE WITHIN MY SOUL.

JUST ONE LOOK,(met him at my sista's place)
AND I CAN HEAR A BELL RING.
ONE MORE LOOK,

AND I FORGET EVERYTHING.

SO, some days ago, i go to see him, and..

DOT DOT DOT.

S-E-P-T-E-M-B-E-R.

HAPI NW MONTH.

MY FEAR.... CALLED!!!!!

2009-08-25T11:37:00.001-07:00

RELATIONSHIPS, LOVE, and MARRIAGE. Yeah MARRIAGE!!!!

Ok, dats my fear......, bad SPOT.. SHUCKS. Wareva.

Its like dis.........
Some weeks ago, i spent a few days with a young couple. Oh well, 2 years gone into the union,and the picture i see....... Oh, MARRIAGE.
Cleaning up after her hubby, is more than a days job, with little or no contribution even at his own spare time.
Thank goodness, no kids yet, i wonder what the picture would have been.

Then, i spend a few days with my sister,.... I still feel that bitter taste in my mouth of, OH MARRIAGE. Nothing Bad on her side, but i stil can't help but feel PARANOID.

Since i was a kid,... Everyday, i watch my mum.., i see her anguish,i feel her pain,... But still, MARRIAGE.

I daydream about it,muse about it, paint pictures about it, but still can't deal with it.

I've got plenty of negatives about it.

My childhood, din't help it.

Can't afford to be a bad mother or wife.

Or even walk out of it.

I have a huge fear for it, that i know.
One that'l break the hearts of....,......

Oh,what about them, they've lived their lives, and this is mine.

I believe in LOVE.

I don't have a RELATIONSHIP.

I'll be MARRIED some day.

And I love CHILDREN.

SEXCAPADE

2009-08-15T23:16:00.001-07:00

Wen i consider, the curious habit of puberty stricken boys as pertaining to sex, i'm often worried to my guts as to wot my brother's are into. DANG.

After my interactions with some male folks, about their first sexual encounter, the answers, i got......... Whewww...... ..... I hope my brother's are not victims to this. *sighs*.

Well, i may say, we don't have a househelp, cuz dats usually their first escapade, but what about, neighbours, class teacher, and the crazy bunch of wild female luking for young boys to devour.

A friend once told me,he ran into their old househelp who happened to be his first lay and almost Puked. For the life of me,he says, " i'l neva have stuck my thing into that".
I wöndered at this point, why call her "THAT" now, i mean you also did it with ur AUNTIES.......

For my other friend, it was his Sister and that hunts him till this day. ;-( ;-(:-(. But you enjoyed it while it lasted, DIN'T YOU?????

One day, i'l sit and listen to my brother's tale.......

Letting go

2009-08-15T12:28:00.001-07:00

Dis came 4rm d fact dat i'v cme to accept d fact dat i cnt change wot..... Well, i dnt knw.

Sometimes, letting go doesn't mean " U LOST". It mite just b wot u nid or so i fink... ;) . But the reality of it.........

For some months nw, and d life of me, i'v decided to let d hurt take its ful course so dat d future wil b secured. Yeah, i'v goofed too bt dat doesn't change a fing about me cz i'm only human.

C-R-A-C-K.

Now, i'v pickd myslf up 4rm d mud of misery i'v bn wallowing in and ruins of false blames to my Old Game.
IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK. ;-):) .